I don't do well with failure. My parents never taught me that failing is OK. This means that I don't try doing a lot of things. I used to be really good at guitar and I stopped because some mean girls told me I sucked. Trying to get back into it is one of the biggest challenges for me. I expect myself to be as good as I was 10 years ago and that's just not how things work.
My whole life I've taken the easy way around things. For example when I was in High School I had a few teachers approach me and say "I've heard about you from your other teachers. I'll just give you a D if you come to class because I don't want to deal with teaching you." At the time this seemed like an awesome deal, but now I don't know anything about the world. Yea, I have a career but until recently I didn't even know what WWI was fought over.
I'd like to say that my parents helped me with homework and hobbies but they didn't. My mom admitted that she didn't help me because she didn't want me being better at something than her. Aren't parents supposed to want nothing but the best for their children? Guess not. My dad's a mechanic and he gets mad at me for not knowing anything about cars, but he refuses to teach me because I am a girl.
I've gone my whole life thinking there is something wrong with me because I was always tossed aside. As I get older I see that it was just because I was to much trouble to help/ teach so everyone just gave up. What example does that set for anyone? Not a good one that's for sure.
I honestly just wanna look in the mirror and feel proud of the person staring back at me. But for some reason I don't and I don't think I ever will. I had so many goals that I have made that have fallen through due to crappy circumstances and I don't think I can ever forgive myself. I can never forgive myself for having crappy parents, for having teachers gave up on me, for having friends that treat me like crap because in the end everyone's excuse was "it's your fault."
©Amanda Catherine
This is another new story idea. Let me know if you like it.
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