Breathe (A Poem)

You turn
And walk away,
Leaving me
In the pouring
Rain.
You don't
Look back,
It seems it's
Me your trying
To forget.
I hope you
Figure out what
You need, but
Never make
Your way back
To me.
The moment
You left was the
First time in a
While I was able
To breathe
And put myself
Above all else.

©️Amanda Catherine
@greeneyedwallflower

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Assaulted... Again

As Anna and Lincoln start arguing in the middle of his living room his family took notice and was trying to figure out what was going on with them. Anna could care less, because she already wasn't to fond of their mom because of their past experiences. As the argument between them became more heated Anna started grabbing all her stuff and heading for the door again. It was starting to feel like she was never going to leave this house. Anna makes it outside and runs to her car before Lincoln can catch her and get in turns on the car and speeds off. All she knew was that she couldn't face him and she couldn't face his family judging her for all her mistakes. She starts driving not sure where to go. Her parents think that she is at Ashley and Lincoln's for dinner so she could go where ever her heart desired. She ended up at the park that was about a half a mile away from where Ashley and Lincoln's house is. This is where she came to do her deepest thinking. 

While she sat in her favorite swing she put her headphones in trying to tone out the whole world around her. It was getting dark but none of that mattered, she needed to cool off. Her phone kept ringing and it was always Ashley, Anna kept ignoring it. She started getting really freaked out when she kept getting phone calls from Lincoln only a few minutes apart from each other. Her voicemail box kept getting fuller and fuller until all the phone calls just stopped. She pulls out her phone and starts going through it, but she didn't dare listen to those voicemail's. It was at this point that she wished she had unlimited texting from the overwhelming amount of them she was getting. She finally decides to at least call Ashley back and let her know she was OK. As the phone starts ringing she feels a grab on her shoulder. Anna turns around and closes her phone in shock as soon as she saw who it was. "How is it going" he says. Anna stands there in silence. "David, what are you doing here, I thought I was the only one ever out this late." "Well I live across the street and when I saw you speed down I thought I would come check on you." Anna smiles and says "that is very sweet but believe me you do not want to know what is going on with me, you will find out how crazy I really am. And not in the good way." "We all have our pasts" he says. Well in that case Anna mumbles as she starts to break down and tell him everything that had just happened. 

Anna finishes up telling him everything she sees a shadow from someone heading toward them. As it starts to get closer Anna could tell that it was Lincoln. Anna tells David that is was probably best that he left, but he refused to leave. She kept insisting because she knew how bad it may get, But he still refused. Anna looks at David and says "you wanna get outta here? I don't know a lot but I know I don't wanna be here." They both come to an agreement to leave and they ended up at a park further away. As they get to the park Anna looks at her phone and all that was on there was a text fro Lincoln calling her a bitch and a coward for running away from the confrontation. But as Anna was away from Lincoln they more she realized how out of control everything had got. She didn't want to be the girl who was to afraid to face reality and her reality was that she chose was to mess around with her assaulter because at least he liked her. This had to turn into a thing of the past for her. Like a bad memory no one wants to remember.

A few weeks go by and Anna had made no contact with Lincoln and she was spending more time on her school work, which is something she had never done. It turned into a nice distraction for her. She was also spending more and more time with David. He was a breath of fresh air to be around because not only did he not judge her for her past mistakes but he helped her not make new ones. All was going well until Lincoln stopped by the school to see Ashley. While Anna was walking out of school putting her books back in her book bag she looks up and there he is standing beneath a tree, right next to her car. Not giving a single care Anna walks up to her car and starts putting her stuff in it to leave. Lincoln slowly begins to walk toward her hoping that she wouldn't notice, but it is because of him that she noticed everything it seemed like. She doesn't even look at him and says and "you should stop being such a creeper, it's not cool." He says fine and comes up to her and catches her off guard as she is walking and shoves her up against the car and starts touching her all over while screaming "I guess this is what you like, You're such a whore!" Anna struggles to get away as he starts trying to take off her clothes but it wasn't working. She ends up being in a position to knee him in the groin and takes advantage of it. Once she knees him in the groin she pushes him over to have more time to get away. She gets in her car and locks the door and climbs to the front seat, Lincoln is still on the floor and Anna drives away never looking back.

©Amanda Catherine

  

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Run

Anna continues running to her car more flustered than ever. She tries to get her keys and drops them on the sidewalk, tries to grab them and then trips over her book bag. She couldn't believe what was happening to her and she wanted this nightmare to end. She gets her keys and gets the door to her car unlocked and throws all her stuff in it. She hears the screen door open and whips around and yells "I am not in the mood for your bullshit anymore." Lincoln stops mid step and starts to get even more angry with Anna. He didn't understand what was wrong with her and she didn't care to elaborate as to why she was so upset. To her it was obvious. He proceeds to walk over to her car as Anna is getting in and puts his hand to the door and pushes it close. Anna now looking at the concrete crying says "what do you want, haven't you done enough? He tries to wipe away her tears but Anna jerks away and does it herself. She starts to look around and get all adjudicated and says "you don't get to do this, you don't get to come out here and try and make everything better. It's ruined and you ruined it." Lincoln looks at her and grabs her chin to make better eye contact and says "I never meant to hurt you. I am so sorry." "I don't trust you and how dare you say that to me. You knew what you were doing." Anna whispers back to him. "Have I ever told you how pretty you are he continues, your eyes are so beautiful. It's like I can see you, like really see you." Anna at this point in time really wants to make a snarky comment but starts to get weak in the knees from everything that he is saying to her. They stand in the street staring at each other for a while neither one of them wanting to make the next move. Time goes by but still feels like they are the only ones in the world or at least on this street.

Anna wanted to believe everything that Lincoln was saying to her but a little voice in the back of her head was telling her to run, run and never look back. In her mind she was trying to talk herself out of everything she was wanting to believe. But it all came down to why is he doing this. 

As she focuses back on reality the only words that leave her mouth are "why are you doing this?" This was a valid question and she needed to know for her own sake and sanity. He bounces back with "why are you pushing me away?" "You know why I am pushing you away" she snaps and continues with "now it's your turn." He looks at her, really looks at her and goes back inside leaving Anna alone. She starts talking to herself and getting really angry with everything that had just happened. Knowing she needs to go home eventually she gets in her car and just sits in it. At least I am in the car she thought to herself, that's half the battle. A few minutes go by and she starts her car to head home. Right as she does this Ashley and her mom pull up in the driveway. Anna tries to compose herself to make it look like she wasn't just put through emotional hell and gets out of her car to say hi to them. Anna heads up to the driveway when Ashley's mom stops her and says that she should stay for dinner. Anna immediately says no but thanks her for the offer. As soon as she says no Ashley pops up and says "Why not? I miss you, please stay we already cleared it with your mom." Anna's face turns pale as she says "well OK, I guess I could try and... yeah that sounds good." Ashley grabs her arm and drags her inside and yells at Lincoln that Anna was staying for dinner. He comes out of his room tries to hide the fact that he was just crying. He walks next to Anna and says "OK that's cool, I guess... whatever."

If there was one thing Anna could feel right now that was his pain, mainly because she felt the same. They both did not want to be in the same room together. Ashley turns on the TV and all Anna can think of is "yes, finally some distraction." As Anna sits on the sofa she was expecting Ashley to plop next to her, but instead she sits on the floor next to Anna's feet. Anna tried to get Ashley to switch spots with her but it was useless. Lincoln comes in the living room and stops because he realized where he would have to sit. Ashley notices and says "You big baby just sit next to Anna, I swear she doesn't bite." He tried to turn around but gets stopped again and gets forced into staying. As he goes to sit next to Anna, Anna tries to scoot as far over to the one side as she can having flashbacks from the last time they sat near each other. Ashley notices and comments on how weird they are both acting. They both blow it off and try to keep it cool. That is until Lincoln put his hand on her hand when no one was looking, Anna tried to just ignore it and pulled her hand away but then he put his hand on her leg and that made Anna explode. At that point in time Anna and Lincoln were right where they left off again. Screaming at each other and getting no where, except this time it was in front of people and those people definitely  noticed. 

©Amanda Catherine 

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: A New Day

As the sun starts to rise Anna is laying in her bed with her eyes wide open. Her thoughts had successfully kept her up all night. She didn't know whether to be excited about going to school and seeing everyone or not. Her first instinct was no, but maybe today was different, a new day of sorts. She disables her alarm before it goes off and heads to the bathroom to start getting ready. She looks at herself in the mirror and all she can think about is how messed up she is becoming. And is it normal to feel this way. She slaps on some foundation and eye shadow and runs upstairs after she hears her dad leave, She did not want to be in the middle of that whole catastrophe. Anna looks at her mom and says "hey I was thinking of going to Ashley's after school if that's OK." Her mom more or less looked surprised at the fact that her and Ashley were talking again. "Sure if that's what you wanna do" her mom says. "I think so" Anna replied back. Today was the day that Anna was allowed to take the car to school since it was a half day so she grabs the keys and heads out the door. 

As she pulls into the student parking lot she sees Jenny in her car crying. Anna thinks to herself don't partake in whatever is going on over there. Anna parks the car and gets out and starts to head over to her other group of friends she had been making when she hears from a far off distance "Anna wait! I need to talk to you!" Pretending to not hear her Anna heads inside to get her locker. All of the sudden she looks behind her and there is Jenny all flustered. Anna stops and Jenny crashes into her. As they both fall to the ground Jenny says "I've missed you and I have big news to tell you!" Anna had the look of complete dumbfoundedness on her face. "Why would she want to tell me anything" she thinks to herself. "OMG!" she says, "I just found out that David likes you!" "Well that's odd Anna" says. Anna was always trying to set him up with other people to hide the fact that she liked him too. "Wait" Anna says "Isn't he still in a relationship with another girl!" Jenny says "YES! But he told me on accident that he was thinking about you a lot lately." Flattered Anna didn't know what to say when she saw him in class so she figured she would just wing it. "Wait" Anna says, "weren't you just balling your eyes out in your car?" "Oh yeah" Jenny says, I was just dumped by Lincoln, he didn't really say why so I was so upset but when I saw you I just became so excited about the David thing so I had to tell you." "What the hell, you were dating Lincoln? Have we not been talking for that long. "Well it has been about 2 months" Jenny says. As she continues with her story Anna goes off in her thoughts about Lincoln and why he would dump Jenny. And why she was even dating him in the first place. Then Anna remembered that no one believed her when she said what Lincoln had done to her. This made her mad, mad that no one believed her still and mad that he would try and date one of her friends. "That's it" Anna says "I'm going over there to deal with him after school." Jenny says "It isn't really that big of a deal I guess he was a jerk to me, kept saying he was trying to make you jealous but you never noticed.

Anna and Jenny finally finish talking and both end up late to their first class, but none of that mattered at this point. Anna sat in her chair tapping her pencil, foot and finger on the desk wanting for this day to be over, She had some stuff she needed to deal with. As soon as the clock hit noon and school was over Anna grabbed all of her stuff and started heading over to Ashley's house. She knew Lincoln would be there. As she pulled up to their house she was filled with rage, she knocks on the door and Lincoln answers it. Anna stood there frozen. She had these things she had planned out to say to him but as soon as she saw him her speech stuttered and didn't make sense. He just looked at her and then grabs her and kisses her. Anna pushes him away and says "I can't believe you did that and dated Jenny just to get back at me. The worst part is I was unintentionally falling for you. All part of you master plan right" He walks away from her and says "you aren't wrong. I've liked you ever since I laid eyes on you. My actions just came off wrong." More angry Anna walks toward him and say you mean you assaulting me came off wrong? Wow you are something special aren't you. I can't keep doing this with you! You ruined everything the moment you laid hands on me." He turns toward Anna and gets really close to her and says "you didn't push me away did you?" Anna pushes him away and says "there I pushed you away!" and continued with "you can't keep doing this to me! You cannot play this game with me anymore. You are in my head and you need to get out!" Lincoln grabs her and kisses her again, but no matter how hard she fought Anna could not control her emotions anymore she gave into him completely. In the back of her mind she could see her flash before her eyes. All the hurt that she was dealing with and how this wasn't making it better. As soon as she was able to get her thoughts back on track and make sense of what was happening she used all of her might to push him away. Lincoln was starting to get upset with Anna and punches a wall. Anna grabs all of her stuff and says "you need to think about what you are doing and how this is making me feel and then leaves.

©Amanda Catherine

High School (A Poem)

High school, 

Where dreams

Get crushed 

Into essays 

And where 

Plans turn 

Into projects.

Nerds sit up front

And underachievers 

Sit in the back. 

Cheerleaders and football players 

rule the school and 

Nerds plan to be 

Their boss's some day.

Everyone is trying

To fit in

And no one wants

To stand out.

A place where

what happens 

behind closed

doors 

no one knows. 

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Bad Feelings

Tap, tap, tap. Anna sits alone in her room tapping her pen wanting to write about what happened to her lately but her mind was blocked. She hadn't been over to Ashley's since the whole incident with Lincoln. Her mind had been fuzzy ever since then. It was like she was living in a clouded nightmare. The worst part was that she was starting to like Lincoln. She started to believe that this is how boys treat the girls that they like. Anna puts her pen to her paper and then draws a heart and writes Anna + Lincoln in it. She almost barfed at the thought but this was the only guy who had shown interest in her, even though it was bad. "Maybe I am just reading into things to much" she thinks. She thinks back on how they first met and how her sexually assaulted her and how that made her feel. "Maybe I can change him" Anna says to herself as she throws her pen down.

Frustrated with her feelings Anna tries to find something to do to preoccupy her time. She grabs her black nail polish, opens her window and starts painting her nails. With each stroke she makes she became more upset with herself. She hadn't ever dealt with how she felt about what happened to her. Her moms idea of dealing with it was not dealing with it. Whenever she would bring up the idea about her going to therapy her mom would change the subject and her dad had no idea what had even happened to her. Everyone else thought that she had just said that Lincoln did this to her for the attention so she had never felt more alone. After getting lost in her thoughts Anna looks at her nails and expects them to look good. They looked like a disaster. "Hhhmmmm, what's this, a metaphor for my life" she complains as she starts getting the nail polish remover. "To bad I can't wipe away my life like this" she says growing in frustration. She looks at her phone to see if anyone had texted her. She would have even been OK with a stupid chain text but there was nothing. Even though she was upset about no one talking to her, she understood. 

Anna starts thinking again about anything she wanted to write about since her thoughts were the only ones that listened to her. She starts to write some lines and it read "so much pain, it all goes to my head sometimes I wish I were dead. She lets her thoughts take over her and continues with "I'm so lost and so alone. My life is a constant fog. There is nothing to keep me here, no life to call my own." She stops and sits alone in her room in silence. She never thought that she would have felt like this. 

She takes her pen and writes I am alone on her arm and then added a heart with an arrow going through it.

©Amanda Catherine

I have never ever written or talked about this moment to anyone before. I was a lost 17 year old who hadn't learned much about relationships yet. Today marks 10 years to the day that these thoughts happened. I am better than what I was then, not that it was hard to compete with. 
Amanda

27 Facts About Me For My 27th Birthday!

1, I was named after a Barry Manilow song.

2. I am an only child.

3. I barely graduated High School.

4. I've never left the US. 

5. I am a Phlebotomist (and I am a real good one.)

6. I've worked in Retail for 9 years. 

7. My eyes change color in the sunlight. There natural color is green.

8. My hair was black when I was born, then all fell out and turned blond.

9. I can cook well. 

10. I love to make banana bread. 

11. I am obsessed with conspiracy theories. (I love seeing what people can come up with.) 

12. My favorite movie is Zoolander.

13. I've been to Vegas over 10 times. 

14. I love The Legend of Zelda games. 

15. I can write a poem in 10 minutes, if not less. It's a weird gift. 

16. I love all different types of music.

17. My favorite band growing up was Good Charlotte.

18. I ran from the cops in High School.

19. I've been suspended in High School and College.

20. My lucky number is 20.

21. I've never been drunk or high.

22. I've lived out of state for a few months tagging bears. 

23. I was a College Dance team.

24. I'm really good at Archery and have been doing in since I was 9.

25. I'm an insomniac. 

26. I've had 5 surgeries.

27. I stutter when I am nervous. 

Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: The Family Vaca

Over Spring Break Anna finds herself  out of town visiting family. This not one her most favorite things to do, since she is the misfit of the family but it always makes things interesting. Her family has made arrangements to stay in the family trailer for the weekend. "Here's to getting eaten by mosquitoes" Anna thinks to herself, since the trailer is next to a lake. She packed up her suitcase for another move and gets in her grandparents' car. As they start to head out Anna gets a text from Remy and it reads "I'll see you later." Anna just stares at her phone in stunned silence. "Wait what?" She says, apparently her cousins had invited him to the lake since they are best friends with him. "Aw crap" Anna says to herself. "How in the heck is this going to work?" 

As they pull up to the trailer Anna looks around and it doesn't look like anyone else had arrived yet. Which is normal, her family is always late to everything. She hops out of her grandparents' car and looks around, she hasn't  been here in a while. She asks her grandma if the cute little coffee was still up the way as she points in the wrong direction. Her grandma grabs her arm and says "Yes" as she moves her arm in the right direction. "I'm going to go there in a little bit then once I get all my stuff out of the car" Anna says. Wanting to get away from there before the hoard arrives she rushes and grabs her stuff out of the car and quickly puts it inside. 

As she starts to head to the coffee shop she sees a red van heading in her direction. "Can I hide in a bush" she thinks to herself. She looks around and there are no bushes in sight. The van pulls up next to her and the passenger side window rolls down. "Well you look the same, still chunky" her aunt says. "I had hope you would loose some weight but there you are" she continues. "What do you want" Anna says. "Oh the boys want to hang out with you" she says as her two cousins and Remy pop out of the van. They drive off and Anna says "well I was going up the street to get a coffee, you guys wanna come with me? Everyone agreed and they all continued walking. "Well this couldn't get anymore awkward" Anna thinks as she tries to make small talk with them. "Boys are so complicated" Anna thinks to herself. 

They finally find their way to and from the coffee shop and are back at the trailer. It was just Anna a and Remy sitting outside by the water. To Anna's surprise they are actually having a decent conversation, Not about what had happened with them over text, but about music, life goals, and how crazy her family is. "This is nice" Anna says "I was expecting things to be awkward." "Well there is still time for that" Remy says. "Oh yeah, things always get weird" Anna says.

 It  starts to get later in the night and everyone has passed out on their make shift beds but Anna and Remy are still up. They sat next to each other in a corner in the darkness with only their phones for light. The moment is perfect, Anna wishes that it never ends. Each of them have different stories but they were all so similar. Over text it is hard to realize that people are people but in the middle of nowhere in the dark you can really get to know someone for them and not what we perceive them to be. Anna is starting to get really attached to him. He is the only friend she has that doesn't have clouded judgments of her or her past. She knew that this was going to end bad, but her emotions started to cloud over her again. 

©Amanda Catherine

Ecstasy (A Poem)

Don’t wake me

I’m dreaming of your face

lost in the wonder

I’ll never trace.

Don’t wake me

I’m living my dreams,

Dreams where it’s just you and me

where love is our only form of ecstasy.

Don’t wake me

I’m flying high

soaring above the skyline.

Alone with my thoughts,

that always remember you.

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Eating Disorder Struggles

Anna is sitting alone in the lunch room during her free period staring at her doughnut and coffee her mom bought her for breakfast. More often than not this is what Anna ate all day until dinner. As she puts her head on the table and looks to the side over at her breakfast she starts poking it and putting the glaze bits in her mouth. As she closes her eyes for a second she opens them and there stands Lincoln. She starts picking up the doughnut crumbles trying to make it look like she wasn't doing what she was doing. He takes a seat across from her in the booth that she is in. She glares at him and stares at him. She doesn't trust him, as far as she is concerned this is to close for comfort with him, He continues to sit in silence looking at her. Her eyes swimming in blue were trying to drown him with all the regrets she carries with her everyday. "What do you want" she says "It's not like I have even seen you in a while so what, you transferred schools...why are you here?" Smiling he still doesn't say anything. He was obviously trying to mess with her. "Well?!" she says as she starts to get really irritated. I'm waiting for my mom to finish up with Ashley's teachers because not that you care but she is failing in school" he says. "Join the fucking club" she says. "Well I better go" he says as he starts to get up. "Also your looking a bit chubby so I wouldn't eat that if I were you" he continues. 

As Lincoln leaves Anna realizes the time and starts to head up to the 2nd floor where her counselor is. She figured she should at least try it once. When she walks into the office it looks like a janitor closet it is so tiny. Attempting to get situated the counselor starts asking her questions, all of which she did not expect. About 40 minutes goes by and Anna finds herself leaving but she doesn't remember anything that she talked about. She starts heading down the hall past the drama room and up the stairs to the 4th floor when she falls to the floor and passes out in front of her marine biology class. No one was in the class or hallways because everyone is at lunch. Her teacher heard her fall and looks out her door to see what happened. Anna is trying to talk but cannot get out much of anything. Her teacher grabs her gets her inside the classroom and starts to help her. Laying on the ground Anna sees her teacher running around trying to find any sort of food she has in her desk. She runs back over to Anna and says "you didn't eat all day again didn't you." All Anna can get out is some random words that make no sense. Eventually Anna gets to the point to where she can sit in a chair with her head between her knees. Her teacher brings over a ton of random snacks for her. She says "You should go for the candy first, it has the most sugar and then work down to the others." "Why are you doing this for me?" Anna says. "I've been watching you for a while" her teacher, Mrs. Jensen says. "You don't eat a lot and you often look pale. I've been planning for this to happen for a while since you spend your lunch hour in here." She adds. "Well it's convenient since you are my next class" Anna says. "It's only convenient because you never eat" Mrs Jensen says. "I'm to fat to eat" Anna whispers while staring at the floor. "What mean boy told you that" she replies. Anna laughs and says "You have no idea. I'm starting to feel better though so thank you." I'm not leaving you alone until you finish everything I gave you" Mrs Jensen insists. As soon as Anna would finish one snack there Mrs Jensen would be with another one. "Look you finally have color in your face" Mrs Jensen exclaims. Not knowing what to say Anna just shakes her head and smiles. 

Later in the evening after the screaming from her parents stopped, she put on her favorite CD and made up her own choreographed dance to amuse herself. Her mom didn't want to pay for her classes anymore so Anna had to find ways to keep up with it all by herself. Night is the best time of day she writes in her notebook.

<3

©AmandaCatherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: School Stress

With the end of the school year coming Anna was super stressed about her current grades. She has a straight line of D's and F's in her classes. She knew that she could do better but she didn't the mental time to even try, she was constantly worried about everything. Most of her teachers didn't even bother teaching her anyways, she is always the difficult student. When she walked into her math class on the first day of the semester her teacher approached her and said "I've heard about you from your other teachers, how about I give you a D just to come to class because I don't want to deal with you." At that time Anna was so excited because that meant minimal effort on her part but now she is kicking herself for it. She wanted to learn, but it was easier to just slide by. It keeps her parents off her back and her teachers at ease.

She walked into her math class and walked up to her teacher who was sexist and says "do we still have a deal?" He nods and says "we'll talk after class." She goes and takes her seat and pulls out a piece of scrap paper to doodle on. She feels a tap on her shoulder and turns around it's David asking her if she needs any help on the homework, she says "no, I already did it." As she turns back around David grabs her notebook and says "no you didn't, lets work on it together." He opens it up and sees all of the undone homework and is in shock. All Anna can say "is don't worry, I have a deal with the ass hole teacher" and then mumbles to herself "as well as most of my other teachers." He tells her "that's not right." "Yeah well that's just the way it is with me. I'm the difficult one that everyone doesn't want to deal with." As he continues to go through her notebook, he finds all the stories and poems she has been writing. "You're good" he says, she looks at him and says you don't have to be nice... I know I'm not good at most things I try... at least that's what most people say." "Well I'm not lying" he says. She looks at him conspicuously, she wants to believe him but then doesn't all at the same time. He looks back at her and says "You know you can be good at something without people letting you slide by right"?

Anna never even thought about that before. She is always put into the special education classes because she has a stutter. She never understood why. In middle school Anna would watch her friends across the hall in the normal classes and wonder why she could never be included. As class ended and everyone left Anna was left sitting her chair waiting to see what her teacher had to say. Anna just kept giving him weird looks as he was picking up his desk. He finally walks over to her and says "well I know that you know that you a difficult but what can I expect since you are a girl." I will still honor giving you a D just as long I don't get you in class again next semester." Anna rolls her eyes and says "you do realize that you are the only teaching the class I need next semester right?" He leans onto her desk and all he says is "figure it out." 

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: My Life Now PT. 1

I don't do well with failure. My parents never taught me that failing is OK. This means that I don't try doing a lot of things. I used to be really good at guitar and I stopped because some mean girls told me I sucked. Trying to get back into it is one of the biggest challenges for me. I expect myself to be as good as I was 10 years ago and that's just not how things work.

My whole life I've taken the easy way around things. For example when I was in High School I had a few teachers approach me and say "I've heard about you from your other teachers. I'll just give you a D if you come to class because I don't want to deal with teaching you." At the time this seemed like an awesome deal, but now I don't know anything about the world. Yea, I have a career but until recently I didn't even know what WWI was fought over.

I'd like to say that my parents helped me with homework and hobbies but they didn't. My mom admitted that she didn't help me because she didn't want me being better at something than her. Aren't parents supposed to want nothing but the best for their children? Guess not. My dad's a mechanic and he gets mad at me for not knowing anything about cars, but he refuses to teach me because I am a girl.

I've gone my whole life thinking there is something wrong with me because I was always tossed aside. As I get older I see that it was just because I was to much trouble to help/ teach so everyone just gave up. What example does that set for anyone? Not a good one that's for sure.

I honestly just wanna look in the mirror and feel proud of the person staring back at me. But for some reason I don't and I don't think I ever will. I had so many goals that I have made that have fallen through due to crappy circumstances and I don't think I can ever forgive myself. I can never forgive myself for having crappy parents, for having teachers gave up on me, for having friends that treat me like crap because in the end everyone's excuse was "it's your fault."

©Amanda Catherine

This is another new story idea. Let me know if you like it.

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Abuse & Death

Anna's life begins to haunt her while she starts to over think everything. She never thought that she would have been the act of someone trying to do a "good deed" or however you wanna look at it. She knew that it wasn't her fault, but she couldn't help to think that this was all her fault. She should have been more desirable, stable, and just all around OK. She knew or at least hoped that being damaged was acceptable, by someone. Everyone has flaws and that's OK, at least maybe... "being perfect is boring" she thinks to herself, as she sits alone on the park swing set. Talking to David made her second guess everything that she thought was so right in her life. Friends don't treat friends like dirt and make them feel small. Parents aren't supposed to make their kids feel like they can't do anything and it is definitely not acceptable to throw stuff and your daughter because you are mad. 

Anna's home life was getting a lot worse. She didn't know how to handle it, so she often decided to ignore it. If she didn't think about it, it wasn't happening. Anna's dad is becoming an addict, and that made his temper become worse. The worst incident was when he threw tools at her and her mom because he was mad while trying to do some repair work. That made her and her mom pack up their things and leave, to bad he never even noticed or cared. As Anna leans her head on the swing chain a tear runs down her cheek. Nothing in her life was normal, but then again what is? As Anna continues to ponder things she looks around the neighborhood and wonders if anyone's life is as crazy as hers. Ever since her mom and her went back home from leaving her dad she finds herself not wanting to be home a lot. The park swing became her place of peace or "fortress of solitude". 

Anna gets a text on her phone, she wants to ignore it but she decides to look at it. What she reads makes her fall off the swing. One of her childhood friends had died. He wasn't in her life to much now because he changed to much for them to still be friends. But she still can't overcome this flood of sadness that is taking over her. As she starts walking over to his house she keeps trying to think about what happened. As she approaches the door his brother comes outside her and tells her everything that happened. He had gotten into a high speed chase in a stolen car and got into a serious car accident that killed him. After telling her what happened he asked her to leave because things were so tense in the house. Anna can take a hint so she left. As she got to the end of the block she started crying her eyes out. She sits on the corner next to the gutter and composes herself before she makes the journey home. Her dad thinks that crying is stupid and annoying so if she came home crying who knows what he would say. 

©Amanda Catherine

I've been debating on writing about this for a while. I've been hinting at the problems with my dad for a while but I didn't know how to write about it. I hope that no one thinks of my dad as a bad person, as he did over come his addiction. But this is to much apart of my life for me to not write about. No more hiding, acting like it didn't happen. This is it. This is as real as it gets. 

<3 MandAnna

(pardon the grammar mistakes if there are any.)

<3

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Pretend Romance

Anna stood in stunned silence, she couldn't believe that she actually did what she did. She looked at the 2 boys on the floor and looked up at her friends. Her only thoughts were "I hope they are ok" and "I am going to be in so much trouble for this." She starts to help the 2 guys up but they want nothing to do with her, can't say she blames them. As they both got up off the floor they both looked fine, just a few bruises, but those would eventually heal. They both look at Anna and call her a crazy bitch as the walk away. Anna turns to her friends and walks directly past them. There faces said all that they needed to know. Anna continues walking and thinking to herself about how much she needed to change but how she had no clue how. She figured one way to change would be to actually go to class so she goes and grabs her school books from her locker. On her way to class she bumps into David, they guy that was helping her in math that she also has a secret crush on. She smiles at him and continues walking. As she walks past him he grabs her and pulls her back to him. He looks her directly in the eye and says "Are you ok'? She send off a little chuckle and says "When have I ever been ok?" He tries to stop her as she attempts to leave again and says "I'm here." 

She knew that a lot of people were always there to talk to but the problem was how much judgement came from her talking to them. She already had enough problems with liking herself much less adding everyone else's judgment to the mix. But for some odd reason she trusted David. She looked at him and said "Can I talk to you on the way home from school?" She knew he would shed some light on her whole situation that she needed to see. He didn't say anything back all he did was nod his head. For some reason that made Anna smile. As Anna walks away from David she bumps into Ashton. Apparently he was really upset about the thing that happened earlier. He grabs Anna and pulls her into the stairwell. She leans up against the railing and says "ok what is it?" Ashton looks at her and says "I can no longer pretend to be interested in you. Jenny asked me to in hopes of making you feel better but you are way to crazy and I no longer want to apart of it. We are through." He leaves and Anna is still in the stairwell. She had no clue what to do. Does she cry? Does she feel relieved? Or does she.... and then it hit her. Jenny made him act interested in her because she felt nobody was or ever would be. That was the most messed up thing anyone has ever done, besides the whole thing with Lincoln. She decides the leave the stairwell and go to class. She wasn't to upset about the whole thing because there was apparently nothing there. She couldn't wait to get on the bus and tell David all about it. 

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Wait...What Happened?

"Tell me more" Anna says as she glances past her friends, not really paying attention. She had her eyes on all the boys that had been trying to make her life hell. She was trying to read them to figure out their next move. Ashton snaps his fingers in front of her face to get attention. Anna snaps out of it and says "wait what, what'd I miss?" She looks down and her arm had blood all over it. Anna had a rubber band on her arm that she started snapping when she was nervous. Aston looks at her and says "just because they did that to you doesn't mean you need to start doing this." Anna looks at him and then starts staring past him again. He moves her leg with his to try and get her attention again. "What!" she screams. "You need to stop" he says, "Come on we are leaving." As he grabs her by the strap of her backpack she is still trying to stare at them. They make is outside in the court yard by the lunchroom and he grabs her by her face and says "Just because they did this, does not mean you need to become obsessed." Anna looks at the floor and says "But it's just not fair. Why do they get to pour pop in my back pack, trip me, call me a fat ass whenever I eat and vandalize my locker...again." Still looking at her he says "they just want to get a rise out of you." The three boys come outside and start calling Anna a bitch. A frustrated Anna runs up and kicks the one boy in the crotch.

The other two boys continue calling her a bitch, but their words have no effect on her. They speak and their words are broken. Broken like their lives crumbling through their fingers. Anna looks around her and she had become comfortably numb. When she came back to her senses the person she wanted to run to wasn't Ashton, Jenny, Ashley or Jax. It was Remy, but Remy was just a vision she had in her phone. He will never be their for her except through text and the occasional picture. No one even knew about him, she wanted to keep that part of her life as much of a secret as possible. It wasn't like she was cheating on Ashton or anything. He was a break from the crazy, a whole new world that she could isolate herself in if she wanted to. She stops thinking looks at the floor and sees the boy clinching his stomach, she turns around and says "What did I do?"

To Be Continued...

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Pregnancy Scares!

As Anna is left in front of the classroom door stunned from what just happened. She see's a very panicked Jenny running up to her. Looking at Ashton she says "well this can't be good. I'm gonna have to talk to you later OK? When Ashton sees Jenny's face he hugs Anna and leaves. Anna looked at Jenny and she was crying. When Anna asks Jenny what happened she started crying more. The only thing she could mutter out was "I'm late." Anna grabs Jenny's arm and drags her into the bathroom. "What to you mean you're late?" Jenny looks at herself in the mirror and punches the glass. "I'm so ashamed of myself, why did I trust him?" Her hand know bleeding from the shards of glass, Anna grabs a huge wad of paper towels to stop the bleeding. "It's not your fault", Anna says. "Don't blame yourself," Jenny falls to the bathroom floor and puts her head on her knees. Anna says "Do you want to ditch first period and walk to the grocery store to get a pregnancy test. I have some money to help you buy one." Jenny nods her head and they decide to leave after everyone was already in class so no one could see her crying. While leaving the school they get stopped by the adviser that got Anna suspended. "It's like this guy is out to get me" Anna says. "Where are you going, shouldn't you be in class" he says. "Well we have an emergency" Anna explains. "More of an emergency than getting an education" he says starting to get mad. "Well yeah otherwise why would we be leaving" Anna says. She looks back and Jenny is clinching her stomach. Anna starts to get mad. She knew she wasn't supposed to leave campus but somethings are worth leaving over. In a very irritated voice she says "we are leaving, go ahead and call my mom. I will erase the message when I get home." She grabs Jenny's hand and pushes past him. As they left they could hear hi yelling "you get back here young ladies." They didn't care, They were just happy that they made it out of the school. 

While they are walking to the grocery store Anna asks Jenny to tell her what happened. Jenny sighs and starts to explain everything. "I didn't ever want to do it, it's like he made me or something, I mean I wanted to do it right since I did it...right?" Anna grabs her hand and says "you never have to do anything you don't want to. Honestly he is a prick if he made you. Don't feel bad. If you don't mine me asking who was it?" Kicking a rock up the path Jenny says you aren't going to like the answer. Anna reluctantly says "well my views on most of the guys we hang out with are crap so try me." "Promise not to be mad" Jenny says. Answering honestly Anna says "well no, but I won't judge you for it." As Jenny starts to reply she gets interrupted by her phone ringing, it was Wyatt wondering what was going on. Jenny makes up an excuse to get rid of him. She didn't want to deal with him at the moment. About 5 minutes go by and she hangs up with him, Anna says "it was Wyatt wasn't it? Jenny nods her head and starts crying all over again. "Yes" she says. 

Once they get to the grocery store Anna and Jenny head to the isle with all the pregnancy tests, which ironically is where all the condoms are. They head to the register to buy it while combining all their money. When they make it to the front of the line the girl at the register gave them a look of disgust as she says "OK which one of you is it? I wanna guess." "Well I think it's pretty obvious" Anna says, "she's crying and that comment made it worst. Keep your opinions to yourself." They get the test and head to the store bathroom. Anna hands her the test as Jenny thanks her for standing up for her in the meanest way possible. They have a laugh and Jenny heads into the stall. Anna sits on the other side of the stall on the floor and says "remember no matter what happens, we're friends OK." Jenny says "2 minutes....2 minutes till my life is decided for me. I don't know how I'm gonna handle this." They sit on the bathroom floor on opposite sides of the door and wait. Two minutes goes by and Anna says "if you can't look at it I will look at it for you. Jenny slides it under the door. "Don't tell me unless it's good news" she says. Anna closes her eyes and takes a deep breath and opens one eye to peek at it. "It's negative.... It's negative!!!!" Anna exclaims, getting up off the floor. "I mean you should still go to the doctor but it's negative." Jenny opens and slams the stall door. "Really! I'm so happy!" she says. 

As they start walking back to school Anna tells Jenny that she has to tell her the rest of what happened with her and Wyatt. She starts to explain and apparently Wyatt was sick of getting made fun of for being a virgin, so he gave her and ultimatum. Either you have sex with me or we are through so I can go find someone who will. "The rest is pretty obvious from there" she says. Anna attempting to give relationship advice says "I think it might be time for you to break up with him. I know it's hard, but do you want a relationship that makes you feel bad?" Jenny shakes her head no and pulls out her cell phone and calls Wyatt since it was between 1st and 2nd period now. Once Jenny explains everything that happened to her to him she tells him that she wants to break up. Wyatt didn't take it well. They got into a screaming fight over the phone, that continued once Jenny and Anna made it back to school. In the end they did break up. Anna gets back inside school and looks around. She sees Ashton and that was the greatest sight she had seen all day. 

To Be Continued... <3 

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Relationship Struggles

Anna and Ashton walk home in complete silence. She isn't sure if this is a good or bad sign. It's a lot for one person to find out all in one night. As Anna reluctantly opens up her mouth to say something he also starts to say something. Not wanting to be rude and pushy Anna lets him finish talking. He says that he doesn't know if he is the right person for her with all of her drama. To be honest Anna knew that this was coming, this is why she was to afraid to say anything. They both stop to cross the street and she grabs his shoulder and says "I understand, believe me. You don't have to walk me home. This is my street anyway, how about you go home and take sometime to think about everything. It's a lot to take on. With how crazy my life is I often times it wasn't me living this life. Someone stronger than me should be in my shoes." He refuses to let her walk the rest of the way home alone and the silence continues. Until he speaks, "Why are you afraid of me? This really confuses me. I haven't done anything to you to ever make you feel scared." As they approach her door she says "it's not you, it's the fact that every guy in my life has hurt me, Lincoln, Wyatt, my dad and many others. I just don't want to get hurt again." He promises not to hurt her, but at this point these promises are just words. Words can to easily broken. "I'll talk to you at school tomorrow" she whispers as she heads inside her house. She shuts the door on him because she was about to burst into tears and she didn't want him to see her like that, so broken and lost.

As she stumbles downstairs to her room trying to be quiet she misses a step and tumbles down the rest of the way. "Dammit" she says as she is getting up. "I always count wrong. It's 7 not 6 steps." She gets to her room and throws all of her stuff on her bed. It didn't matter her room was always a mess anyways. She pulls out her phone from her pocket and flips it open to text Ashton. She wanted to make sure that he got home safe. As she starts hitting all the numbers to get to all the letters she gets a text from Jenny. Anna rolls her eyes and opens it. It says, "sorry but this isn't over. He will be mine." Anna types back the only thing she could think of that was clever enough for this situation, "lol". Even though she actually really was worried about everything. She finishes texting Ashton and starts getting ready for bed. 

She figures that this was the best time to write so she pulls out scrap paper to start and new poem. She starts to write the only thing that she has down is "I'm sorry". Wanting to continue she taps her pen and brushes her hair behind her ear. She could still feel where Ashton did the same. She puts on her headphones and tries to ignore the world. She finally has one more line. "I hurt you and I can't take it back." She scribbles below it,"but sometimes this is just the way it has to be." This was really how she was feeling. 

"Anna wake up!!!" she hears. She had fallen asleep on top of her sloppy hand written poem. She grabs her back pack and guitar bag and heads upstairs to meet her mom. She didn't feel like actually getting ready this morning. She looks at her phone to see if Ashton texted her back and nothing. Just another text from Jenny. As she gets to school Anna regrets not actually doing her hair or make up or anything. Jenny looked really cute and that made her confidence drop way low. She spots Ashton across the hall but didn't go say anything to him figuring this is how it was going to be from now on. She looks up after looking through her backpack trying to find her homework and Ashton was right there. She says "don't worry, I get it, I'll keep my distance." He takes one more step towards her and brushes the hair behind her ear and kissed her. "Now why couldn't you have been my first kiss" she says as he smiles at her.

 Could this actually be something real? 

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Anna Tells All

Anna had kind of put herself into her own little bubble where no one could bother her. From her perspective no one wanted to talk to her anyway so this was just easier. This is why she found it very confusing when she was actually getting noticed by boys, and not just boys but nice boys! Not saying that she didn't have crushes, but she never thought about acting upon them. She was always dealing with enough without adding boys to the mix. This is why what happened next was very strange... a boy approached Anna and didn't immediately ask her to talk him up to Jenny. He talked to her with respect and didn't bring up any of the other rumors that had made their way around school earlier that year. After talking to him in guitar class for the whole period Anna felt like she was floating on a cloud. No one had ever complimented her before without jokingly taking it back later in a conversation or by making it a perverted joke. While walking out from class she felt so high on romance that she didn't even notice anyone around her making fun of her or trying to talk to her. 

Later that week, as their relationship grew she found out that he was a transfer student that just started this last semester. His name was Ashton and Anna became infatuated with him. When all of her friends found out about him since they always took the bus together and sat in the same seat most of them were very happy for Anna but of course Ashley and Jenny had to put thoughts into her head that were not true. They kept saying that he was only talking to her because he wanted to get into her pants and that he just felt sorry for her. At first when they said this it made Anna question everything that had been going on with him but as their relationship became more she knew that they were both wrong and trying to get inside her head. Anna and Ashton carried on their High School fling for quite some time, and all was fine until he became friends with Ashley.

It wasn't surprising that Ashton and Ashley became friends as they live close to each other and share a lot of classes together. What was amazing is the thing that happened next... Of course Ashley had to introduce him to Jenny since they were such "close" friends. Ashton was trying to play it cool as Anna was not around when this was going on but then Jenny tried putting the moves on him! As Ashton was trying to play it cool and avoid Jenny's awkward attempts of kissing him Anna walks in. Ashley and Jenny had invited her over once she was done with dance class. Anna walks inside as Jenny is trying to tackle Ashton to the floor to kiss him since he kept refusing everything that she tried with him. Anna knew that they were trying to get them to break up because Jenny was jealous that someone actually liked her for a change. As Jenny is straddled over Ashton Anna bursts out laughing. It wasn't the time or the place to start laughing but she couldn't help it. The look on Ashton's face was everything to her. As Anna went and helped him up after Jenny tackled him he looks at Anna and says "so this is why you never noticed me trying to talk to you before. You where to busy trying to be invisible so you wouldn't have to deal with this."Anna smiles as she said "Wow you really get me. Do you have sisters or something?" He stands up and looks at her intently and says "actually I have a younger and an older sister." Anna smiles and says "I freaking knew it. I'd love to meet them sometime." He wraps his arm around her and they walk out the door talking about how they should head over to his house to hang out since this was the first time they had seen each other outside of school. 

As they get outside and make their way up the street Anna stops him and says "before we continue this I have something I really need to tell you." He brushes her hair behind her ear and says "I'm listening." Anna takes in a really deep breath and tries to talk but nothing comes out. Frustrated she puts her head down and tries to compose her thoughts the best she could. Ashton gets closer and says "don't worry... I won't judge you." She looks at him and tells him about all the rumors and everything that Jenny and Ashley had started about her. "I just fell like you needed to know what you were getting into when you hang around me" she says. "My life is a mess and more often then not I have to deal with more than I can handle and I don't want that to scare you away but you really need to know the truth. I want to give you an out know before we get even more involved." He takes a step back from her and says "but it isn't like you did all those things right?" Anna stares at him speechless. She was really upset that he asked that, even though it was a valid question. Thoughts began running through her head. "Why did I tell him? What did I do? Why do I always mess everything up? I should just walk away and avoid this... I was fine before this..." She eventually was able to open her mouth and say "no". She waits a few seconds and then begins to turn around and walk away. She gets a few steps away when she hears "I don't care...I don't care at all." She stops wanting to go turn around but keeps walking thinking to herself "if he wasn't able to handle this very well how would he handle everything else that happened and is still happening with Lincoln." She starts shuffling through her backpack to try and find her CD player and headphones to play sad emo songs about romance as she walked home in the dark when she feels a tap on her shoulder. Anna starts getting a little upset because she thought that it was Jenny for some reason. She looks out of the corner of her eye and sees Ashton. Anna freezes, she didn't know what to do. 

Ashton walks in front of her and says "I'm sorry that wasn't cool but you can't just walk away when someone asks you a question." Not knowing what to do because she wanted to walk away again she kind of gives him a stink eye. Finally able to mutter out some words she says "What if I were to tell you that that wasn't even half of it, What if I was to tell you that it only got worse from there. Ug.. things happened to me, things I couldn't control even though I tried." Anna starts getting all teared up because this is what she was trying to avoid. She continues and says "I'm terrified of you and I am afraid to tell you why. You don't want to get involved with me. I want to tell you now because I know if I don't you'll find out from someone else later and they'll make me seem like the awful one." Anna was on a roll and full of emotions as she continues muttering random things when she accidentally says "I was sexually assaulted by Ashley's brother and their mom made me apologize because they thought I was ruining his chance of a football scholarship." Her eyes get big as she puts her hand over her mouth. Shifting his body weight from leg to leg he turns around and starts heading back to Ashley's house. She starts following him trying to ask him where he was going, even though she already knew. After that didn't work she kept trying to get him to stop walking. Her efforts always failed. As they get to the door she gets in front of him before he can enter or ring the doorbell. Trying to calm him down the only way she knew how. He rings the doorbell and as Ashley answered the door Ashton didn't say anything. Anna didn't know what was going on she so she improvised and said "did I leave my headphones here. I just can't seem to find them. " She shuffles around in her backpack and then says "oh here they are! Oh man I'm such a ditz... see you guys later and pulls the door shut on Ashley. "This is over you, you can't make this better. "What happened is done and over I just thought you should know my past because it made me pretty fucked up" Anna says trying to push Ashton away from the door. As they finally make their way out the the street a few houses away Ashton says "I'm not mad at you for what you said  I just want you to know that I am not OK with this." 

To Be Continued...

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: High School Questions!

1. What was my craziest memory? Telling the vice principal to go f*** off because I was wearing a t-shirt that showed my stomach by the littlest bit and I got sent to the advisers office but there was a girl that walked by with a cleavage popping vest. I ended up getting suspended and on my first day back I wore the same shirt again. The vice principal came over to talk to me again and I ran away and ended up getting the cops after me, but what they didn't know was that that shirt was reversible. So they were looking for a blonde  girl in a blue T-shirt, but I had flipped it to the green side... And I walked back into school and no one even knew until lunch when the vice principal came over and made me apologize. 

2. What was my favorite grade and why? My favorite grade was 12th, by this time I had figured out who my true friends were and was becoming more OK with myself so I didn’t have all that high school drama.

3. Did I have a high school sweet heart? Yes, I am still with him as well.. We started dating our senior year.

4. If I could go back and change something about my high school experience, what would it be and why? I would change the fact that I always let people opinions of me control me and control how I acted. I was never really true to myself. I would also change how I never really cared about my grades or college test scores. It really hurt me later, to this day I am unable to get into most colleges I want to go to because of that. I feel like I have to settle for less when I want so much more.

5. What cliques I was in or wish I had been in? I wasn’t really in a clique, I hung out with anyone and it’s because of this that I did make some really good friends. I never wanted to judge people by their appearance or let other peoples opinions of them make me not want to be friends with them.

6. Was I  in it for the grades or for the fun? Honestly I wanted to drop out as soon as I turned 16, I had fun but my home life wasn’t that great and I was always put into remedial classes because I stutter, this made me think that I was stupid and then I really never wanted to be there. I guess my reason for being there was to prove to myself that I could finish something even when everything and everyone was rooting against me.

7. Sports? I had always wanted to be in sports but I never really was. I would go to “tryouts” and then get scared and leave. I did dance outside of school and that became enough for me.

8. Was I in clubs or activities? I was a stagehand for all the musicals, plays and concerts. This was my favorite period/ activity. We made sets and backdrops for all the productions. We also ran all the audio, lights and changed the sets for each scene. I also did the make-up for the cast members for a lot of the productions. One other activity I did was I was in pep club, to “pep” you for cheerleading, I never wanted to be a cheerleader, I just enjoyed dancing at all the football games and pep rallies.

9. Am I  glad to be out of high school? I miss the social aspect because I really don’t have very many friends now but I am glad that that period of my life is behind me.

10.  Am I  happier as an adult or as a teenager in high school? As a teenager you don’t have as many responsibilities but I am enjoying being an adult more. I feel in high school everyone is judging you and as an adult you don’t have all that drama and you have more freedom to roam.

11. What was your favorite band in High School? I listened to a lot of different types of music and even to this day I still do. Back then I was really into pop punk so I constantly listened to bands like Simple Plan, Motion City Soundtrack and Saving Jane. But I do believe that my favorite band back then was Papa Roach.

12. Ever bullied? I think everyone can say that at some point in their lives they were bullied so, yes. The sad part is that I was always bullied by the people that were closest to me. Many of my girl friends knew my weaknesses and used them against me. I was and will probably always be self conscious about my weight and overall appearance so they used to always tell me that I was fat and to go starve myself. I used to not eat very much all day, I'm actually surprised I wasn't skinnier back then. One of the worst moments of this was when I was heading to class after lunch and I of course never ate anything and when I got to my class I got really dizzy and almost passed out. My teacher gave me food and told me to put my head between my legs until I started to feel better. It took a while but I did start to feel better. After that day I always made a habit of eating lunch in her classroom because I knew that she wouldn't judge me. She would just be happy that I was actually eating. I remember seeing her again after I wasn't in her class anymore and she would always smile and me and say "You look good. Keep it up.."

13. Would you do High School over again? Yes, but only if I knew what I know now. Otherwise no.

14. Favorite memory? Dancing with the nerdiest most disliked boy in school because everyone deserves to feel special and not alone. I got made fun of for weeks afterward but I wouldn't change it for anything. It was awkward and I got my feet stepped on but I am glad to say that he was my first official slow dance. <3

15. What were you obsessed with in High School? I was absolutely obsessed with trying to be liked and it was just never worth in in the end. 

<3 MandAnna-------- 

No feelings were hurt in the making of this blog post. 

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Sneaking into an R Rated Movie!

We all have that one friend that you aren't really close with but that you still love hanging out with even though they get you into trouble... a lot. This, for Anna, was her friend named Lisa. Anna and Lisa grew up together but when Middle school came they both went to different schools. Many of there encounters lately were random coffee shop meetings or Anna hanging out with her and all her friends. These hang outs always made Anna feel awkward as she did not know any of Lisa's new friends, but at least they gave her something to do. One weekend, while Anna was out and about with her mom they ran into Lisa and her mom. Anna and Lisa got to talking and they had made plans to go see a movie later that evening. Lisa drove so at least Anna wouldn't have to face getting dropped off by her mom later that evening. As Anna and her mom continue doing their weekend shopping her mom starts talking to her about how Anna needs to have more friends like Lisa. Anna just rolls her eyes as she slouches in the passenger seat of their old pick up truck. Her mom didn't know what Lisa had become. Sure she wasn't as bad as Jenny and Ashley but she wasn't no perfect princess either. 

Anna started thinking about the history that they have together since it is a long history, longer than ever her and Jenny have. When Anna and Lisa were in Elementary School they were pretty much inseparable. They hung out all the time because they had on huge thing in common, they were both only child's. It seems like a silly thing to get along over but only children have a history of being overly spoiled so no one ever wanted to hang out with them because of this. For Lisa this sort of judgement would be very accurate. She was her parents perfect princess who could do no wrong. As for Anna, she never really wanted anything or had parents that thought she was perfect. Anna continues thinking and she remembered the one day in day care over summer. Anna and Lisa were hanging out together and Lisa kept making fun of Anna for being different and poking fun at all of her habits. Anna had enough and punched Lisa in the back. This wouldn't have been bad but Lisa's mom was right in front of the building when this happened. Anna got into so much trouble with everyone when this happened. More with Lisa's parents than her own but it was still pretty awful.

Anna looks out the window of the old pick up truck and reminds her mom of when that happened at day care, Anna's mom looks at her and says "Yes, I remember that but you to have grown up since then or at least I hope you have." Anna gets a little upset and tries changing the topic and blurts out "well at least her parents actually like her." Anna didn't know why this was the first thing to come out of her mouth when she was mad but she decided to roll with it. Her mom on the other hand did not say anything. Anna could tell that she was upset. She did feel bad but that is how she felt. Often times Anna's parents would spend more time arguing than helping her with anything. Anna's mom pulls into Target and says that she is sorry that she isn't around as often as she should be but that she really was trying. Anna gave her a hug and they ran into Target to grab a few things and then headed home since Anna had to get ready for her movie. 

As they pulled into the driveway Anna hops out of the truck and heads inside. Upon walking into the door she could hear her dad getting mad so she ran inside and ran down to her room and locked the door, It was going to be another night of arguing parents so she was glad she had plans with Lisa. She opens her closet and tries to find something to wear. After about 30 minutes she got a text from Lisa that said "hey, we are going to go and see "Knocked Up" at the AMC near our house". Anna got really confused as this movie is rated R. Then Lisa texted her again and said "I'll tell you more of the details when I pick you up. I'll be there in 15 minutes." Anna decided to get on MySpace really quick to see what was up in the MySpace world before Lisa got t her house. There wasn't to much going on, just a lot of feuds between Jenny and all of her ex boyfriends. She logged off as soon as she heard a car come up the street and headed out the door, She gets into to Lisa's Jeep that her parents had bought her and they head off. In the car Lisa started telling Anna about how they were meeting some of her friends there that are 17 so they will open up the side door to the theater once they get tickets and get inside. Anna reluctantly agrees, She hates doing things she isn't supposed to, even though that's all that she does most of the time. The get to the movie theater and park and head to the side door. The whole time Anna was thinking couldn't we just get tickets for a PG-13 movie and then go to the other movie? Either way she found herself tucked in a corner waiting for Lisa's friends to let them in, it was obvious that she had done this before. Her friends walk around the corner and she waves at them to let them in. A guy comes to the door and lets them in. Anna had never met this guy before but him and Lisa were holding hands like they were in a relationship. Anna didn't care she always got super uncomfortable around people that she didn't know which always led her to stutter so getting ditched wasn't worst thing to happen to her. As they walked into the theater to take their seats workers were walking around checking peoples' tickets. Anna started freaking out because she did not have one. The worker approaches her and winks at her and skips her this made her even more confused. Did the guy think she was cute or did Lisa's friends know him. Either was her sudden small panic attack started to drift away.

They stay for the whole movie and when they leave Anna and Lisa follow her friends out to the parking lot where they all smoke. Everyone started making sun of Anna for not smoking but that did not bother her. Anna had gotten into the habit of only smoking when she was stressed out and she was not stressed out. She also did not see a reason to. For people to like her? Well that's a stupid reason if I've ever heard one. 

To Be Continued... 

©Amanda Catherine
Check Out My Other Stories!

Friends With Benefits: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/11/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Smoking And Fights: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_15.html

Feeling Invisible: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_13.html

Inside My Head: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

My Thoughts On School Shootings: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Making New Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/09/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html 

My Thoughts On the Story So Far: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_84.html

Anna's High School Poems 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

Learning How to Drive: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_24.html

Falling Pants Recital: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_22.html

Sneaking Out of the House: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_44.html

Behind The Characters: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_26.html

Valentines Dance Disaster: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_18.html

Underage Public Drinking: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_17.html

A Brief Summary 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_16.html

A Romantic Interest: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_15.html

Getting Banned From Hobby Lobby: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_69.html

Failing In a Mosh Pit: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_47.html

Judgmental Family: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_10.html

Anna Gets Suspended: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_9.html

Anna's High School Poems: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

A Summary Of Current Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_19.html

An Unexpected Turn of Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_6.html

Reality Sets In: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_5.html

The Unthinkable Happens: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_4.html

Truth Or Dare: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

The Rumor Mill: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_2.html

Behind The Story: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Betrayal: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Chain Of Inappropriate Texts: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Awkward Dinner: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Sleepover: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_28.html

Friends Becoming Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

The Introduction: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html