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Showing posts with label Dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dreams. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 5, 2021

Suffocating ( A Poem)

 It's been a bit... Let's see if I even remember how to write. 


I'm stuck in nighttime

With you,

Myself. 

What am I supposed

To do? 

No distractions,

A reality I

Must face. 

My life feels

All over the place.


I'm lost inside

My head

That sometimes,

Thinks

I'll be 

Better off 

Dead. 


Sometimes

This world is

To much

To take, 

With my emotions 

All over the place. 


My thoughts

Are full

Of despair. 

I feel like 

I'm drowning,

 suffocating. 

I need to 

Come up

For air. 


©️Amanda Catherine


















Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: The Sleepover

Anna sat on the bus alone listening to Motion City Soundtrack "Everything is Alright" hoping that the song would make everything alright. She knew it wouldn't, but she hoped. Just two more stops until she had to get off and walk home. She spent most of this time thinking about life and ways to avoid talking to Ashley and Jenny. They really liked starting fights over the stupidest things, especially with her. Maybe it was because she was such a people pleaser, or that she hadn't found confidence yet so she never knew how to stand up to them. Either way she was getting sick of it, especially since she had to deal with Lincoln. "Ding Ding" went the bus for her stop so she hopped off and started walking home. She got about half way home when she got a phone call from Ashley. Anna reluctantly answers the phone "Hellllo", Ashley answers back "hey my mom is letting have a slumber party this weekend and you are of course invited." Anna goes quiet because of course she didn't want to go...overnight with Lincoln, no thank you. Then she says "I will ask my parents and see if I can go." They hang up and Anna thinks about any excuse to get her out of going. She felt like Winnie the Pooh, "Think, Think, Think." Ug, just another thing I have to worry about now, like I didn't already have enough she thinks to herself as she gets home.  She wasn't even home 2 minutes until her phone rings again and it's Jenny, Anna was already super annoyed with her because she felt like she stole her newly made friend but she answers anyway. On the other end there was just yelling from Jenny because she was mad at her for wearing the same shirt as her to school. Anna just hung up, sat alone and cried. She was frustrated because she wanted to feel like she was accepted in her group of friends and knew that she wasn't.

The day of the slumber party arrives and Anna had not given an answer to Ashley yet even though her parents said she could do whatever she wanted to with it. If her parents knew about everything that was going on they would have said no, but Anna didn't want to say anything. This was her problem and not theirs. So she says yes, to make it seem like nothing was wrong to her parents.

She arrives to the party only to realize that a ton of Lincoln's friends were also invited, Anna's worst nightmare had come true. She doesn't say anything to him and walks past him and goes to Ashley's room. Dealing with them was easier than this. She gets to her room only to find Jenny crying about how she was rapped for the 5th time this week. Ashley is trying to comfort her but didn't know how to handle it. Anna had dealt with this for years. She asked Jenny when it happened, how it happened, and why it happened. She knew she was lying so this was just a plan to get her to stop making such a big deal about it. Jenny realized that she didn't have her rape story figured out so she let it go. Later that night Lincoln and Anna bump into each other downstairs, all of Lincolns friends were around so it became super awkward. One of his friends said that he thought that Anna was "hot" and she didn't know how to handle it so she ignored it and walked into the kitchen. Lincoln preceded to follow her. As soon as they got into the kitchen the first words out of his mouth were "You know you are bunking in my room right." Anna gave him a dumbfounded look and said "No I am not, there is no way that would happen." He approaches her and said "I just thought you could get close to me and my friends."

Arguments later she ends up on a pull out sofa with the friend of his that called her hot, it wasn't perfect but it was better. He was decently nice, unlike Lincoln. She never thought that this would happen but she is really was growing fond of him. She learned that his name was Wyatt and that he was in the same grade as Lincoln (9th). They talked all night and played silly sleepover games like played truth or dare and learned so much about each other. They even shared a kiss, nothing much, just a little peck on the cheek. He made her feel special, a feeling she didn't feel very often.

Morning came to fast and Lincoln barges into the living room where they were and wakes Anna up and pulls her outside. He proceeds to say that she should be ashamed for what she did. He saw the whole thing between her and Wyatt. He pushes her and she falls to the concrete and then he storms inside. He of course never says anything to Wyatt. Lincoln has control over Anna, in a way she didn't like. Everyone leaves and Jenny and Ashley go off and do their own thing which leaves Anna alone... again. Lincoln comes downstairs and sits next to her again and she gets up to try and leave and he pushes her up against the wall and puts his hands under her shirt and says "you know you like it, you have to like it." She was speechless as she shakes her head no. He presses her up against the wall more and starts touching her in spots that he had never touched her in before. She screams but he won't let her loose, she was able to knee him and make a mad dash for it.

She gets home and her parents ask her how it went and she doesn't know what to say. She just walks quietly down to her room to not make her dad mad and hides. Nowhere was safe. So she let her feelings out the only way she knew how. She wrote and wrote about what she wished she had the guts to say, about how she wishes her life was different and about how she could run away from all of her problems. This took her to a place only she was apart of, a place she could call her own...

Until reality takes over and she has to deal with.... everything.

To be continued. <3
©Amanda Catherine

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Thursday, July 23, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: The Introduction

This is the story of a girl and all her friends, not the were going to be best friends forever kind but the truthful kind. You see as much as people believe friendships last, they don't. People grow, drift apart and well, just end up doing different things. But that doesn't mean they can't get into trouble while they are young, adventurous and all still friends...

One day, Anna, was sitting at the table and noticed a young girl sitting at a lunch table all alone and to her this was unusual, normally everyone was sitting in their cliques. She went over and started talking to the girl named Ashley. She started telling Anna about how she was new to the school and did not have any friends. Once they got really talking they realized all that they had in common, that's when Anna decided to take her under her wing and show her the ropes of High School and introduce her to all of her friends. A mistake that Anna will later regret, but we will talk more on that later. Ashley invited Anna over to her house after school to play the guitar since that is one thing that they realized they had in common. Anna enthusiastically agrees that they should hang out after school, honestly anything to get her away from all of her other friends was exciting to her, Her other friends were not that nice to her. 

Anna gets home from school and decides to make a snack and then head down to Ashley's house since they also ironically lived really close to each other. Making her frozen burrito she thinks to herself I wounder what song we will play on the guitar? Will she like me? Will we be BFF'S? She ignores those thoughts since they never seem to end and eats at the dinner table petting her dogs and talking to them about life. Once she finishes she cleans up and then hops on her bike and heads down to Ashley's. She thought she had the right house but of course ends up getting lost, and at this point in time they had not exchanged numbers so it was her best guess as to which house was hers. Good thing she was very confident and just asked the neighbors if anyone had moved into a house in this part of the neighborhood recently... and that lead her to Ashley's house. It seemed really nice on the outside, it was a purple house with a big front and backyard. The backyard lead out to a rec-center which was fun. Anna started thinking about all the fun they could have and heads up the door. "Ding Dong", "Ding Dong". Ashley comes up to the door and opens it and lets her in. They engage in small talk for a while and talk about school, animals, music and their weird teachers. They found out that they were both sophomores. All was going well until her brother, Lincoln, saw Anna and came out into the family room where they were and it all went down hill from there...

...To be Continued :)  

©Amanda Catherine