Suffocating ( A Poem)

 It's been a bit... Let's see if I even remember how to write. 

I'm stuck in nighttime

With you,

Myself. 

What am I supposed

To do? 

No distractions,

A reality I

Must face. 

My life feels

All over the place.

I'm lost inside

My head

That sometimes,

Thinks

I'll be 

Better off 

Dead. 

Sometimes

This world is

To much

To take, 

With my emotions 

All over the place. 

My thoughts

Are full

Of despair. 

I feel like 

I'm drowning,

 suffocating. 

I need to 

Come up

For air. 

©️Amanda Catherine

Little Scars: Chapter 4: Just A Little More Time

    Becca stands alone, because deep down she really is alone. It felt like everyone was against her. She asks Holly one more time

    "Who was that"? Holly rolls her eyes,

    "You wouldn't like the answer" she mumbles softly. Becca pins her against the wall and starts demanding answers, she had to know where her daughter was going and more importantly who with and... why. Holly starts laughing

    "You really are trying to hide you past aren't you? she says.

Becca steps back and puts her hands to her head in frustration,

    "I am not that person anymore!" She screams.

Silence and stares from everyone fill the air. Becca backs away and turns around and runs out the hotel lobby door. She falls to her knees and starts crying, she can't believe that this is happening all over again. She had run from this life, but it was always one step ahead of her. She has to find Ava, but she was running out of options and time.

    Ava gets out of the car and looks around. Her kidnapper stands next to her.

    "I never wanted to come back here" she says.

    "It was time" he says.

    "By the way my name is Ed" he says.

    "Such a simple name for a man who is claiming to be my worst nightmare" she says as she is smiling and walking away. She knew where she was, but the question that needed to be answered was why? Why after all these years was she brought back to here. The place that defined her in a way she hated. She looks up at the large brick building and sighs as she reads the sign "Belladonna Center for Lost Souls." She looks at her feet and kicks a rock into the building, she is frustrated and her mom is in the back of her mind. Ed starts to approach her as she slowly walk away, avoiding the inevitable was the only thing she could do at this point. Ed follow behind her and says

    "We can do this the hard way or the easy way, either way you will end up behind those walls  again."

    "I am just enjoying my last moments of solitude" she says.

    "Times up" he say as he grabs her and pulls her aggressively into the building. She looks back as the door slams behind her, the last view of sunshine she will get to see in a while.

©Amanda Catherine

Time (A Poem)

Tick, tick, tick,
Time keeps going.
Pacing back and forth
Nervous racing.
Nothing would make him
More happy than
For time to stop.

This moment is more
Than he can take.
Reality hit him hard
And consequences
Are soon to come.
No one expected
This to happen.

All of the sudden
His life turned dark.
He lost all
he had ever
Known to some
Stupid mistake.
He can't take
It back now.
His only love
Was gone.

©Amanda Catherine

29 Things About Me For My 29th Birthday.

1. My favorite movie is Zoolander.
2. I love Mexican food
3. I can play the guitar.
4. I've been writing since I was 13.
5. I'm a colorado native.
6. My favorite animal is a flamingo.
7. I live off coffee.
8. I love to cosplay.
9. I've been suspended from high school.
10. One of my poems has been published.
11. I barely graduated high school.
12. I'm afraid of heights.
13. I danced on a team for 14 years.
14. The only thing I can draw is a flower.
15. I am an only child.
16. My most traveled place is Las Vegas.
17. I hate summer with a passion.
18. I love snow!
19. I've never been skiing.
20. My eyes are seafoam green.
21. I've been drunk.
22. I can't parallel park to save my life.
23. I am a certified phlebotomist.
24. I had braces for 5 years.
25. I am an insomniac.
26. I am very intoverted.
27. I pick at my cuticles when I'm nervous.
28. I want to travel to Maine.
29. I'm afraid of getting old(r).

Rewind (A Poem)

I lay awake,
Thinking of what
To write.
You cross my mind,
Last night
I dreamt of you.
You kissed my forehead
Made me feel
Like everything
Was ok...
Is ok.

Life wasn't terrifying
It was a beautiful
Piece of mystery.
No reason to runaway,
Every reason to hit rewind.

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Assaulted... Again

As Anna and Lincoln start arguing in the middle of his living room his family took notice and was trying to figure out what was going on with them. Anna could care less, because she already wasn't to fond of their mom because of their past experiences. As the argument between them became more heated Anna started grabbing all her stuff and heading for the door again. It was starting to feel like she was never going to leave this house. Anna makes it outside and runs to her car before Lincoln can catch her and get in turns on the car and speeds off. All she knew was that she couldn't face him and she couldn't face his family judging her for all her mistakes. She starts driving not sure where to go. Her parents think that she is at Ashley and Lincoln's for dinner so she could go where ever her heart desired. She ended up at the park that was about a half a mile away from where Ashley and Lincoln's house is. This is where she came to do her deepest thinking. 

While she sat in her favorite swing she put her headphones in trying to tone out the whole world around her. It was getting dark but none of that mattered, she needed to cool off. Her phone kept ringing and it was always Ashley, Anna kept ignoring it. She started getting really freaked out when she kept getting phone calls from Lincoln only a few minutes apart from each other. Her voicemail box kept getting fuller and fuller until all the phone calls just stopped. She pulls out her phone and starts going through it, but she didn't dare listen to those voicemail's. It was at this point that she wished she had unlimited texting from the overwhelming amount of them she was getting. She finally decides to at least call Ashley back and let her know she was OK. As the phone starts ringing she feels a grab on her shoulder. Anna turns around and closes her phone in shock as soon as she saw who it was. "How is it going" he says. Anna stands there in silence. "David, what are you doing here, I thought I was the only one ever out this late." "Well I live across the street and when I saw you speed down I thought I would come check on you." Anna smiles and says "that is very sweet but believe me you do not want to know what is going on with me, you will find out how crazy I really am. And not in the good way." "We all have our pasts" he says. Well in that case Anna mumbles as she starts to break down and tell him everything that had just happened. 

Anna finishes up telling him everything she sees a shadow from someone heading toward them. As it starts to get closer Anna could tell that it was Lincoln. Anna tells David that is was probably best that he left, but he refused to leave. She kept insisting because she knew how bad it may get, But he still refused. Anna looks at David and says "you wanna get outta here? I don't know a lot but I know I don't wanna be here." They both come to an agreement to leave and they ended up at a park further away. As they get to the park Anna looks at her phone and all that was on there was a text fro Lincoln calling her a bitch and a coward for running away from the confrontation. But as Anna was away from Lincoln they more she realized how out of control everything had got. She didn't want to be the girl who was to afraid to face reality and her reality was that she chose was to mess around with her assaulter because at least he liked her. This had to turn into a thing of the past for her. Like a bad memory no one wants to remember.

A few weeks go by and Anna had made no contact with Lincoln and she was spending more time on her school work, which is something she had never done. It turned into a nice distraction for her. She was also spending more and more time with David. He was a breath of fresh air to be around because not only did he not judge her for her past mistakes but he helped her not make new ones. All was going well until Lincoln stopped by the school to see Ashley. While Anna was walking out of school putting her books back in her book bag she looks up and there he is standing beneath a tree, right next to her car. Not giving a single care Anna walks up to her car and starts putting her stuff in it to leave. Lincoln slowly begins to walk toward her hoping that she wouldn't notice, but it is because of him that she noticed everything it seemed like. She doesn't even look at him and says and "you should stop being such a creeper, it's not cool." He says fine and comes up to her and catches her off guard as she is walking and shoves her up against the car and starts touching her all over while screaming "I guess this is what you like, You're such a whore!" Anna struggles to get away as he starts trying to take off her clothes but it wasn't working. She ends up being in a position to knee him in the groin and takes advantage of it. Once she knees him in the groin she pushes him over to have more time to get away. She gets in her car and locks the door and climbs to the front seat, Lincoln is still on the floor and Anna drives away never looking back.

©Amanda Catherine

  

Glimmer (A Poem)

Everything is OK

At least that is what I tell myself.

I turn on the radio,

see what new jam is on.

Nothing new, 

just songs that 

remind me of you.

I try to listen 

but it is too hard.

My mind flashbacks

to all the moments we

had together 

driving in my car,

With nothing to do.

Staring at the stars

that are oh so bright.

With each glimmer

a new moment is made 

that we will never 

want to take back.

I remember those times now

as I walk these 

empty streets alone.

My mind wanders 

with every corner I turn,

I hope to see you but

You are never in sight.

My hopes are to high

when it comes to the 

reality of you.

We lost ourselves 

which means I lost you.

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: A New Day

As the sun starts to rise Anna is laying in her bed with her eyes wide open. Her thoughts had successfully kept her up all night. She didn't know whether to be excited about going to school and seeing everyone or not. Her first instinct was no, but maybe today was different, a new day of sorts. She disables her alarm before it goes off and heads to the bathroom to start getting ready. She looks at herself in the mirror and all she can think about is how messed up she is becoming. And is it normal to feel this way. She slaps on some foundation and eye shadow and runs upstairs after she hears her dad leave, She did not want to be in the middle of that whole catastrophe. Anna looks at her mom and says "hey I was thinking of going to Ashley's after school if that's OK." Her mom more or less looked surprised at the fact that her and Ashley were talking again. "Sure if that's what you wanna do" her mom says. "I think so" Anna replied back. Today was the day that Anna was allowed to take the car to school since it was a half day so she grabs the keys and heads out the door. 

As she pulls into the student parking lot she sees Jenny in her car crying. Anna thinks to herself don't partake in whatever is going on over there. Anna parks the car and gets out and starts to head over to her other group of friends she had been making when she hears from a far off distance "Anna wait! I need to talk to you!" Pretending to not hear her Anna heads inside to get her locker. All of the sudden she looks behind her and there is Jenny all flustered. Anna stops and Jenny crashes into her. As they both fall to the ground Jenny says "I've missed you and I have big news to tell you!" Anna had the look of complete dumbfoundedness on her face. "Why would she want to tell me anything" she thinks to herself. "OMG!" she says, "I just found out that David likes you!" "Well that's odd Anna" says. Anna was always trying to set him up with other people to hide the fact that she liked him too. "Wait" Anna says "Isn't he still in a relationship with another girl!" Jenny says "YES! But he told me on accident that he was thinking about you a lot lately." Flattered Anna didn't know what to say when she saw him in class so she figured she would just wing it. "Wait" Anna says, "weren't you just balling your eyes out in your car?" "Oh yeah" Jenny says, I was just dumped by Lincoln, he didn't really say why so I was so upset but when I saw you I just became so excited about the David thing so I had to tell you." "What the hell, you were dating Lincoln? Have we not been talking for that long. "Well it has been about 2 months" Jenny says. As she continues with her story Anna goes off in her thoughts about Lincoln and why he would dump Jenny. And why she was even dating him in the first place. Then Anna remembered that no one believed her when she said what Lincoln had done to her. This made her mad, mad that no one believed her still and mad that he would try and date one of her friends. "That's it" Anna says "I'm going over there to deal with him after school." Jenny says "It isn't really that big of a deal I guess he was a jerk to me, kept saying he was trying to make you jealous but you never noticed.

Anna and Jenny finally finish talking and both end up late to their first class, but none of that mattered at this point. Anna sat in her chair tapping her pencil, foot and finger on the desk wanting for this day to be over, She had some stuff she needed to deal with. As soon as the clock hit noon and school was over Anna grabbed all of her stuff and started heading over to Ashley's house. She knew Lincoln would be there. As she pulled up to their house she was filled with rage, she knocks on the door and Lincoln answers it. Anna stood there frozen. She had these things she had planned out to say to him but as soon as she saw him her speech stuttered and didn't make sense. He just looked at her and then grabs her and kisses her. Anna pushes him away and says "I can't believe you did that and dated Jenny just to get back at me. The worst part is I was unintentionally falling for you. All part of you master plan right" He walks away from her and says "you aren't wrong. I've liked you ever since I laid eyes on you. My actions just came off wrong." More angry Anna walks toward him and say you mean you assaulting me came off wrong? Wow you are something special aren't you. I can't keep doing this with you! You ruined everything the moment you laid hands on me." He turns toward Anna and gets really close to her and says "you didn't push me away did you?" Anna pushes him away and says "there I pushed you away!" and continued with "you can't keep doing this to me! You cannot play this game with me anymore. You are in my head and you need to get out!" Lincoln grabs her and kisses her again, but no matter how hard she fought Anna could not control her emotions anymore she gave into him completely. In the back of her mind she could see her flash before her eyes. All the hurt that she was dealing with and how this wasn't making it better. As soon as she was able to get her thoughts back on track and make sense of what was happening she used all of her might to push him away. Lincoln was starting to get upset with Anna and punches a wall. Anna grabs all of her stuff and says "you need to think about what you are doing and how this is making me feel and then leaves.

©Amanda Catherine

Run (A Poem)

We can only run.

Run from the ideas

that hold us back.

Run from the fears

that keep us down.

And tear down the 

walls that are 

in our way. 

Our minds can be 

our best friend

or our biggest enemies. 

Down out the negativity 

and run. 

Never look back.

Run.

©Amanda Catherine

Free (A Poem)

I dream of you

but when I wake my

broken heart 

will mend. 

Those feelings I had

Have come and gone.

I'm happy.

I'm free of you,

or at least the

idea of what

I wanted you to be. 

©Amanda Catherine

My Escape (A Poem)

I remember when I

When I wrote my first poem.

I was such a happy writer to be,

all my words, they flowed so freely. 

Writing became my outlet,

my place for escape.

Escape from the real world,

The drama of everyday life.

I found happiness,

hope,

freedom.

A place where anything could be.

A place where I decided to be me. 

©Amanda Catherine

Flowers (A Poem)

Flowers, colorful like a summers day

All worries and cares away.

Bright and beautiful

Like the radiance of the world.

The sun shines down on you

and sometimes rain will fall from the

clouds that gaze upon you.

©Amanda Catherine

Silhouette (Lyrics/Poem)

We will never

forget those teenage 

years where we 

caused chaos and

commotion. 

The world was 

our playground

and we were

going to dance 

in the sand. 

Late nights turn 

into ones we 

will never forget 

but will always

want to repeat. 

We will drive

and chase the sun 

while we hold hands 

until the sun 

comes up.

I can still see

your silhouette

clear as day. 

This is the story

of me and you. 

Never alone

because you 

were always right 

beside me. 

My mind will 

always be wrapped 

up in thoughts of you. 

Every time you look 

at me I get lost 

in the thoughts of you.

Your eyes like 

the blue of the 

sapphire

and your hair 

black as your

fingernail polish. 

This is the story

of me and you. 

Never alone

because you 

were always right 

beside me. 

My mind will 

always be wrapped 

up in thoughts of you. 

Looking back now

these are the nights 

my mind still gets 

wrapped up in. 

You left your

mark on me 

that I will never forget.

Please come

back to me. 

©Amanda Catherine

Normal (A Poem)

I wanted

to be normal. 

But then I 

soon realized

that normal is 

overrated. 

I don't even

know if

I know what 

normal truly is. 

©Amanda Catherine

Runaway (A Poem)

Figures it would end

like this. 

Lost and alone

as you 

leave never look back.

I never thought

it would end like this.

Thinking about it now 

I should of saw it coming.

My life will never be

the same,

maybe I will just keep running

away from all the sadness

looking for something

I know was never there. 

©Amanda Catherine

Masterpiece (A Poem)

I'm in the mood 

to write a masterpiece.

To bad it's going

to be about you. 

What can I say?

You make me feel 

less of a person.

Maybe because 

I am less than you. 

What can I say? 

You are smarter,

some say prettier. 

Like that matters. 

You can read a book.

I can make a masterpiece. 

To bad this piece

is about you. 

You have all the 

experience that life

has to offer.

I have all my

emotions inside

that make me 

think different than you.

You can solve a

math equation. 

Well,

Me - You = Happy

Happy,

I guess you are happy. 

This masterpiece

is about you. 

©Amanda Catherine

Always Love Life (A Poem)

Appreciation

Lust

Wanderer

Adoration

Yearn

Sacred

Lovely

Outrageous

Virtuous

Enlightenment

Lively

Interesting

Fantastic

Enjoyment

©Amanda Catherine

I write for life (A Poem/ Blurb)

I write for life

I write for love.

I write to see the world from up above.

My life is a story waiting to written 

There is so much to be said,

so much between the lines.

Will you take this ride with me

and explore my life as it is meant to be.

©Amanda Catherine

                                   

Forgotten (A Poem)

You turn your back and

walk away,

knowing you'll never

be remembered,

Only forgotten.

Forgotten like those moments

you had together.

They all become a

distant memory of

what you thought

you had.

Hoping for things

to be different

you change yourself

to a person

you never wanted to be.

Wanting to fit in

but fearing

to stand out.

You walk alone

with your shadow

upon this dark night

until you are once again

forgotten.

©Amanda Catherine

The Girl Of Mystery (A Poem)

I look at you,

you look at me. 

I had a feeling 

it was meant to be. 

You walk my way

you make me blush.

Could this be lust?

You come closer

and walk right past.

You were looking

at the girl of my past.

The girl who

dreams of lust,

the girl of which 

loving herself 

wasn't a must. 

I look behind me

as you leave 

with the girl of mystery. 

©Amanda Catherine