High School (A Poem)

High school, 

Where dreams

Get crushed 

Into essays 

And where 

Plans turn 

Into projects.

Nerds sit up front

And underachievers 

Sit in the back. 

Cheerleaders and football players 

rule the school and 

Nerds plan to be 

Their boss's some day.

Everyone is trying

To fit in

And no one wants

To stand out.

A place where

what happens 

behind closed

doors 

no one knows. 

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Bad Feelings

Tap, tap, tap. Anna sits alone in her room tapping her pen wanting to write about what happened to her lately but her mind was blocked. She hadn't been over to Ashley's since the whole incident with Lincoln. Her mind had been fuzzy ever since then. It was like she was living in a clouded nightmare. The worst part was that she was starting to like Lincoln. She started to believe that this is how boys treat the girls that they like. Anna puts her pen to her paper and then draws a heart and writes Anna + Lincoln in it. She almost barfed at the thought but this was the only guy who had shown interest in her, even though it was bad. "Maybe I am just reading into things to much" she thinks. She thinks back on how they first met and how her sexually assaulted her and how that made her feel. "Maybe I can change him" Anna says to herself as she throws her pen down.

Frustrated with her feelings Anna tries to find something to do to preoccupy her time. She grabs her black nail polish, opens her window and starts painting her nails. With each stroke she makes she became more upset with herself. She hadn't ever dealt with how she felt about what happened to her. Her moms idea of dealing with it was not dealing with it. Whenever she would bring up the idea about her going to therapy her mom would change the subject and her dad had no idea what had even happened to her. Everyone else thought that she had just said that Lincoln did this to her for the attention so she had never felt more alone. After getting lost in her thoughts Anna looks at her nails and expects them to look good. They looked like a disaster. "Hhhmmmm, what's this, a metaphor for my life" she complains as she starts getting the nail polish remover. "To bad I can't wipe away my life like this" she says growing in frustration. She looks at her phone to see if anyone had texted her. She would have even been OK with a stupid chain text but there was nothing. Even though she was upset about no one talking to her, she understood. 

Anna starts thinking again about anything she wanted to write about since her thoughts were the only ones that listened to her. She starts to write some lines and it read "so much pain, it all goes to my head sometimes I wish I were dead. She lets her thoughts take over her and continues with "I'm so lost and so alone. My life is a constant fog. There is nothing to keep me here, no life to call my own." She stops and sits alone in her room in silence. She never thought that she would have felt like this. 

She takes her pen and writes I am alone on her arm and then added a heart with an arrow going through it.

©Amanda Catherine

I have never ever written or talked about this moment to anyone before. I was a lost 17 year old who hadn't learned much about relationships yet. Today marks 10 years to the day that these thoughts happened. I am better than what I was then, not that it was hard to compete with. 
Amanda

Life (A Poem)

We walk through
each day and
continually say
nothings changed.
When in the
back of our minds
we know that
there is so much
more we went
through.
So much more we
want to say.

Feeling frustrated
because everyone
bumps you,
stares at you and
criticizes you till
you feel like you
become less.
Less because
you care.
 Still say
everything is OK,
nothings changed
because it is
easier that way.


©Amanda Catherine

Run (A Poem)

We can only run.

Run from the ideas

that hold us back.

Run from the fears

that keep us down.

And tear down the 

walls that are 

in our way. 

Our minds can be 

our best friend

or our biggest enemies. 

Down out the negativity 

and run. 

Never look back.

Run.

©Amanda Catherine

Fear (A Poem)

I don't want
To fear being a
Women
But I do.
I am valued
Less and
Fear more.

I fear walking
streets alone
at night.
I fear allys
That lack light.
I fear men
And their
Constant stares.
I fear the idea
That my body is not
The essence of beauty.
I fear the thought
Of my dreams
Being shot.

I fear that
I fear all of
These things.
I fear that
This is normality.
I look outside
And I crumble inside.
I fear to live
My life with
The thought of
Knowing this
Is how it is
Supposed to be.

©Amanda Catherine

Lies (A Poem)

I can see the lies

In your eyes.

You try to hide them

But they are coming alive.

I cannot believe I

Once called you a friend.

I wish those memories

Would get out of my head.

I can hear your lies.

They flow out of

Your mouth

Like a flood.

I try to run from them

But you must see

That it doesn't matter

Because they don't control me.

©Amanda Catherine

Alive (A Poem)

I walk this broken path alone,

my shadow being my only enemy.

Why is it so hard to find love within ourselves,

but so easy to see our flaws.

Each one of has a secret

that they mustn't break.

We must live in the moments

of passion that make us feel alive.

Alive and no longer alone,

alone within ourselves.

©Amanda Catherine