Two Peas (A Poem)

I look at you,

You look at me

Our bodies form

Some sweet bond

That we can't see. 

I think you're crazy, 

You think I'm odd

But together we are

Two peas in a pod.

©️Amanda Catherine

Little Scars: Chapter 4: Just A Little More Time

    Becca stands alone, because deep down she really is alone. It felt like everyone was against her. She asks Holly one more time

    "Who was that"? Holly rolls her eyes,

    "You wouldn't like the answer" she mumbles softly. Becca pins her against the wall and starts demanding answers, she had to know where her daughter was going and more importantly who with and... why. Holly starts laughing

    "You really are trying to hide you past aren't you? she says.

Becca steps back and puts her hands to her head in frustration,

    "I am not that person anymore!" She screams.

Silence and stares from everyone fill the air. Becca backs away and turns around and runs out the hotel lobby door. She falls to her knees and starts crying, she can't believe that this is happening all over again. She had run from this life, but it was always one step ahead of her. She has to find Ava, but she was running out of options and time.

    Ava gets out of the car and looks around. Her kidnapper stands next to her.

    "I never wanted to come back here" she says.

    "It was time" he says.

    "By the way my name is Ed" he says.

    "Such a simple name for a man who is claiming to be my worst nightmare" she says as she is smiling and walking away. She knew where she was, but the question that needed to be answered was why? Why after all these years was she brought back to here. The place that defined her in a way she hated. She looks up at the large brick building and sighs as she reads the sign "Belladonna Center for Lost Souls." She looks at her feet and kicks a rock into the building, she is frustrated and her mom is in the back of her mind. Ed starts to approach her as she slowly walk away, avoiding the inevitable was the only thing she could do at this point. Ed follow behind her and says

    "We can do this the hard way or the easy way, either way you will end up behind those walls  again."

    "I am just enjoying my last moments of solitude" she says.

    "Times up" he say as he grabs her and pulls her aggressively into the building. She looks back as the door slams behind her, the last view of sunshine she will get to see in a while.

©Amanda Catherine

Some Random Thoughts...

I am going to talk about something that I have never really talked about. You all read my posts and got to know my life, in ways most haven't been able to. I feel like I can open up on here and hopefully not get to much hate.

I've been thinking a lot about death lately, mainly because my grandpa is currently in hospice. It's amazing how fast life can go and how nothing ever really lasts forever.

Currently I have been battling with chronic depression and anxiety. When I was sexually assaulted my parents didn't do to much for me help wise... so the depression just gradually got worse and worse. Once I was an adult I was to embarrassed to admit to myself much less others that I was battling depression. I wanted to be as strong as everyone thought I was, even though I did not feel strong myself.


I started running away from my problems and acting like I was totally fine, even though deep down I wasn't and I am not sure I ever really was. I pushed everyone away who was close to me because it was to much to handle. If you notice in my poetry it is always about running, leaving or being alone, that is because that is seriously how I felt. I felt like I had to do or be those things. All my poetry is about life experiences, poetry became the one outlet that I could hold on and still hold on to. I have no other way to express my true feelings besides writing, so thank you guys for reading and hopefully relating to them.

I wish I was different a lot. I have never been comfortable in my own skin. When I was younger I was the weird one that everyone made fun of, until I started doing stupid things just to fit in. It worked, until I lost sight of who I really was. By the time I realized this I was to far gone and tangled in a web of high school drama with everything else I have talked about.

I don't really know why I wrote this, but maybe you all will have more of an insight about who I am and why my poetry and writings are sometimes so sad.

<3
Amanda

Little Scars: Chapter 3: Truth Exposed

Becca stands in the middle of the hotel lobby stunned. Does she run or does she approach this person?  After all it is one of her long lost friends, but they did not leave on good terms. Becca swallows her pride and goes over to say hello. She takes on step toward her and immediately regrets it. "After all these years who would have thought you and I would meet again in a crappy hotel lobby" her long lost friend Holly says. Becca doesn't say anything because she honestly didn't want to, she had more things to worry about. Aww, don't be shy, you can talk to me" Holly says. "I am just here to get a room, I don't want to start stuff with you" Becca says. Holly laughs, "I think you have more important things to worry about as your car just got taken." Becca turns around to see a man driving her car away with Ava still passed out in the backseat. "Who was that!!!" Becca screams expecting answers from anyone. No one answers, as she runs out the door after the car Holly yells "you better be careful with who you are messing with." Becca stops and turns around, Holly obviously knows what is up, the question is will she tell her and actually tell her the truth. 

Ava starts regaining conscious only to realize that there is a stranger driving her moms car. She pushes herself off the seat to sit up and says "who are you?" "I'm the person your mom has been trying to keep you from" he says. "I don't even know what you are talking about" she says "my mom would never do that." "Well, then do you know who I am" he says. Ava doesn't say anything because she has no idea. "Where are we going?" Ava says. "To the place you mother was trying to hide you from" he says. "I don't understand" she says, "who are you"? "Your mother would call me your worst nightmare but I guess it depends on how you look at things." he says. Ava tries to open the back door of the car to jump out but he grabbed her by her hair and pulled her back in. "That's the same crap your mother tried" he says "wow you are so predictable." Ava crunches up in the backseat trying to stay as far away as she can even though she knew it didn't matter. "We're almost there" he says. Ava looks outside and sees nothing but a dry dead landscape. Wherever they are going is no place she would want to be. They get further and further but yet close and closer they turn into a gate and all it says is 'You either live Or You Die'. All her memories starting coming back... she knew where she was and who she was...

To Be Continued...

Little Scars: Chapter Two: Escape

Her mom shoves her discretely out the door, hoping no one sees them. Ava didn't know what to think, she kept hearing her mom mumble "what did I do. this is all my fault" over and over. This was not very reassuring to Ava's crumbling mental stability. Her mother takes her firmly by the hand and she takes Ava at a run down the hall toward the exit when a nurse rounds the corner, stopping them in their tracks with a "Is everything all right?"  Not knowing what to say, they don't say anything and bump past her, resuming their run, at least to the best of Ava's limited ability. This was not the easiest thing for her as the whole hospital was starting to spin, making her constantly bump into walls and people which makes the pair way more noticeable. As they approach the door that leads outside, Ava's doctor comes out of a room and spots the two of them. They desperately try to duck behind a hospital bed but it is useless, he is locked on. He walks over, feigning a casual smile that doesn't match with his stiff movements, intent on talking to them but he isn't aware that Ava's mom knows what he is trying to do. He has been planning to get back at Ava's mom because of a past breakup. The pair try to keep their cool, but he starts shoving them back to Ava's hospital room. They try to get around him but he slips in close to Ava and reaches into his pocket and pulls out a syringe and needle with some sort of white liquid in it and puts it against Ava's abdomen. Her mom tries to grab the doctor but he manages to step to the side at the last second sending her mother to the ground as he jabs the syringe into Ava's side depressing the plunger. With no where to go now her mom crawls to Ava on the floor and starts crying. Knowing that no one will help them she stays on the floor with Ava and puts her daughter's head in her lap rocking her back and forth. 

    "How could you do this, you monster!" Her mom yells at him. "What kind of person are you!" All he does is laugh and with a swirl of his lab coat, walks away his hands in his pocket hiding the empty syringe. It is becoming more obvious that this was an inside job. Her mom keeps insisting that they need to leave, but none of the staff arriving at Ava's crumpled form will allow them to leave in the state that she is in. Pretending to be overwhelmed at all the commotion of the ward her mother takes her chance when she thinks no one is looking and scoops Ava into a vacant wheel chair sitting in the hallway from an earlier patient and runs, runs as fast as she can through the exit before anyone can catch her. Not looking back but hearing everyone yelling at her to stop she continues and runs to their car that is parked a few blocks away. Once she gets the car she doesn't even think, she puts Ava in the backseat and starts the car and looks in the mirror to see all the staff running toward the car. "They are at least a block away" she thinks to herself. Putting the car in drive she leaves and speeds off as fast as she can. All that matters to her is getting Ava to safety. Once she hits the highway she doesn't know where to go, so she keeps driving, not caring what direction she is going hoping, the effects of the drug wear off soon. The further away she is from that man the better. 

Eventually she had to stop, she had been driving for hours and her eyes are starting to glaze over. Deciding to find a hotel room she exits the highway and goes to the furthest hotel from the highway, not wanting to take chances. As she pulls into the hotel parking lot and walks inside she finds an unsuspected person who she did not want to see. 

©Amanda Catherine

Little Scars: Chapter One: Voices

This is my new story. I am having so much fun writing Where Friendship Goes Wrong, I decided I would try my luck at fiction! It is going to be continuous with chapters. Hope you all enjoy! 

White walls, silence and voices inside her head. In her mind she was standing on a beach but in reality she was in a psych ward. Ava rolls over and opens her eyes. She sees her mom, Becca, looking at her worried. 

    "It's OK mom," Ava mumbles. 

    "I don't know how you could say that at a time like this" her mom says back. Ava closes her eyes and attempts to go back to the beach again but it was hopeless. She sits up in the bed and looks around but there really wasn't much to look at. "How long have I been in here?" Ava says. 

    "It doesn't matter" her mom says. Ava looks at mother who finally finally gives in and says 

    "one week." 

    "When can I go home"? Ava asks. Her mom gets up and walks over to her bed and grabs her hand.     "It's to hard to say honey. I wish I knew but you took a turn for the worst. You were doing so well until you tried to kill yourself." Tears start to form in the pit of her eye as she tries to remain strong. "We almost lost you. They want to put you on a new med and I don't know what to think about it. You were doing so well a few weeks ago, I don't know what happened." Ava turns pale because she knew what happened but she was to afraid to say what it was. 

    "It doesn't matter now, I want to go home. Anywhere is better than here." Ava says starting to get frustrated.

The doctor suddenly walks into her room and starts talking medical talk that neither of them understands. Ava and her mom both nod their heads in agreement even though they don't know what they are agreeing to. 

    "Do you know what he just said?" Ava asks her mom. 

    "No, I was hoping you did." She responds. 

    "Well I guess we are just screwed." Ava says. Her mom leaves the room, hoping to try and find someone to explain what was going on better. Ava plops back in her bed, trying to find something to do in the mean time but there was nothing, so she sat, absorbing the silence. This was the first time  in a while she felt at peace, no voices. She was so relaxed that she started to doze off again. She wakes up to her  mom shaking  her by the shoulders back and forth. Apparently the doctor had given Ava something which is why she had been so out of it. 

    "We need to leave," her mom says "get dressed, we need to leave." Ava looks at her mom confused, wasn't she stuck here? "Hurry!" her mom yells. Ava starts getting dressed but it wasn't the easiest thing to do because of how drugged she was. She kept trying to get her pants on but she kept falling over because she couldn't get her feet through the holes. Ava says "Mom what is going on?"

    "He is trying to kill you." she tells her. "I thought you were safe here, but I was wrong."

©Amanda Catherine 

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Assaulted... Again

As Anna and Lincoln start arguing in the middle of his living room his family took notice and was trying to figure out what was going on with them. Anna could care less, because she already wasn't to fond of their mom because of their past experiences. As the argument between them became more heated Anna started grabbing all her stuff and heading for the door again. It was starting to feel like she was never going to leave this house. Anna makes it outside and runs to her car before Lincoln can catch her and get in turns on the car and speeds off. All she knew was that she couldn't face him and she couldn't face his family judging her for all her mistakes. She starts driving not sure where to go. Her parents think that she is at Ashley and Lincoln's for dinner so she could go where ever her heart desired. She ended up at the park that was about a half a mile away from where Ashley and Lincoln's house is. This is where she came to do her deepest thinking. 

While she sat in her favorite swing she put her headphones in trying to tone out the whole world around her. It was getting dark but none of that mattered, she needed to cool off. Her phone kept ringing and it was always Ashley, Anna kept ignoring it. She started getting really freaked out when she kept getting phone calls from Lincoln only a few minutes apart from each other. Her voicemail box kept getting fuller and fuller until all the phone calls just stopped. She pulls out her phone and starts going through it, but she didn't dare listen to those voicemail's. It was at this point that she wished she had unlimited texting from the overwhelming amount of them she was getting. She finally decides to at least call Ashley back and let her know she was OK. As the phone starts ringing she feels a grab on her shoulder. Anna turns around and closes her phone in shock as soon as she saw who it was. "How is it going" he says. Anna stands there in silence. "David, what are you doing here, I thought I was the only one ever out this late." "Well I live across the street and when I saw you speed down I thought I would come check on you." Anna smiles and says "that is very sweet but believe me you do not want to know what is going on with me, you will find out how crazy I really am. And not in the good way." "We all have our pasts" he says. Well in that case Anna mumbles as she starts to break down and tell him everything that had just happened. 

Anna finishes up telling him everything she sees a shadow from someone heading toward them. As it starts to get closer Anna could tell that it was Lincoln. Anna tells David that is was probably best that he left, but he refused to leave. She kept insisting because she knew how bad it may get, But he still refused. Anna looks at David and says "you wanna get outta here? I don't know a lot but I know I don't wanna be here." They both come to an agreement to leave and they ended up at a park further away. As they get to the park Anna looks at her phone and all that was on there was a text fro Lincoln calling her a bitch and a coward for running away from the confrontation. But as Anna was away from Lincoln they more she realized how out of control everything had got. She didn't want to be the girl who was to afraid to face reality and her reality was that she chose was to mess around with her assaulter because at least he liked her. This had to turn into a thing of the past for her. Like a bad memory no one wants to remember.

A few weeks go by and Anna had made no contact with Lincoln and she was spending more time on her school work, which is something she had never done. It turned into a nice distraction for her. She was also spending more and more time with David. He was a breath of fresh air to be around because not only did he not judge her for her past mistakes but he helped her not make new ones. All was going well until Lincoln stopped by the school to see Ashley. While Anna was walking out of school putting her books back in her book bag she looks up and there he is standing beneath a tree, right next to her car. Not giving a single care Anna walks up to her car and starts putting her stuff in it to leave. Lincoln slowly begins to walk toward her hoping that she wouldn't notice, but it is because of him that she noticed everything it seemed like. She doesn't even look at him and says and "you should stop being such a creeper, it's not cool." He says fine and comes up to her and catches her off guard as she is walking and shoves her up against the car and starts touching her all over while screaming "I guess this is what you like, You're such a whore!" Anna struggles to get away as he starts trying to take off her clothes but it wasn't working. She ends up being in a position to knee him in the groin and takes advantage of it. Once she knees him in the groin she pushes him over to have more time to get away. She gets in her car and locks the door and climbs to the front seat, Lincoln is still on the floor and Anna drives away never looking back.

©Amanda Catherine

  

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Run

Anna continues running to her car more flustered than ever. She tries to get her keys and drops them on the sidewalk, tries to grab them and then trips over her book bag. She couldn't believe what was happening to her and she wanted this nightmare to end. She gets her keys and gets the door to her car unlocked and throws all her stuff in it. She hears the screen door open and whips around and yells "I am not in the mood for your bullshit anymore." Lincoln stops mid step and starts to get even more angry with Anna. He didn't understand what was wrong with her and she didn't care to elaborate as to why she was so upset. To her it was obvious. He proceeds to walk over to her car as Anna is getting in and puts his hand to the door and pushes it close. Anna now looking at the concrete crying says "what do you want, haven't you done enough? He tries to wipe away her tears but Anna jerks away and does it herself. She starts to look around and get all adjudicated and says "you don't get to do this, you don't get to come out here and try and make everything better. It's ruined and you ruined it." Lincoln looks at her and grabs her chin to make better eye contact and says "I never meant to hurt you. I am so sorry." "I don't trust you and how dare you say that to me. You knew what you were doing." Anna whispers back to him. "Have I ever told you how pretty you are he continues, your eyes are so beautiful. It's like I can see you, like really see you." Anna at this point in time really wants to make a snarky comment but starts to get weak in the knees from everything that he is saying to her. They stand in the street staring at each other for a while neither one of them wanting to make the next move. Time goes by but still feels like they are the only ones in the world or at least on this street.

Anna wanted to believe everything that Lincoln was saying to her but a little voice in the back of her head was telling her to run, run and never look back. In her mind she was trying to talk herself out of everything she was wanting to believe. But it all came down to why is he doing this. 

As she focuses back on reality the only words that leave her mouth are "why are you doing this?" This was a valid question and she needed to know for her own sake and sanity. He bounces back with "why are you pushing me away?" "You know why I am pushing you away" she snaps and continues with "now it's your turn." He looks at her, really looks at her and goes back inside leaving Anna alone. She starts talking to herself and getting really angry with everything that had just happened. Knowing she needs to go home eventually she gets in her car and just sits in it. At least I am in the car she thought to herself, that's half the battle. A few minutes go by and she starts her car to head home. Right as she does this Ashley and her mom pull up in the driveway. Anna tries to compose herself to make it look like she wasn't just put through emotional hell and gets out of her car to say hi to them. Anna heads up to the driveway when Ashley's mom stops her and says that she should stay for dinner. Anna immediately says no but thanks her for the offer. As soon as she says no Ashley pops up and says "Why not? I miss you, please stay we already cleared it with your mom." Anna's face turns pale as she says "well OK, I guess I could try and... yeah that sounds good." Ashley grabs her arm and drags her inside and yells at Lincoln that Anna was staying for dinner. He comes out of his room tries to hide the fact that he was just crying. He walks next to Anna and says "OK that's cool, I guess... whatever."

If there was one thing Anna could feel right now that was his pain, mainly because she felt the same. They both did not want to be in the same room together. Ashley turns on the TV and all Anna can think of is "yes, finally some distraction." As Anna sits on the sofa she was expecting Ashley to plop next to her, but instead she sits on the floor next to Anna's feet. Anna tried to get Ashley to switch spots with her but it was useless. Lincoln comes in the living room and stops because he realized where he would have to sit. Ashley notices and says "You big baby just sit next to Anna, I swear she doesn't bite." He tried to turn around but gets stopped again and gets forced into staying. As he goes to sit next to Anna, Anna tries to scoot as far over to the one side as she can having flashbacks from the last time they sat near each other. Ashley notices and comments on how weird they are both acting. They both blow it off and try to keep it cool. That is until Lincoln put his hand on her hand when no one was looking, Anna tried to just ignore it and pulled her hand away but then he put his hand on her leg and that made Anna explode. At that point in time Anna and Lincoln were right where they left off again. Screaming at each other and getting no where, except this time it was in front of people and those people definitely  noticed. 

©Amanda Catherine 

Glimmer (A Poem)

Everything is OK

At least that is what I tell myself.

I turn on the radio,

see what new jam is on.

Nothing new, 

just songs that 

remind me of you.

I try to listen 

but it is too hard.

My mind flashbacks

to all the moments we

had together 

driving in my car,

With nothing to do.

Staring at the stars

that are oh so bright.

With each glimmer

a new moment is made 

that we will never 

want to take back.

I remember those times now

as I walk these 

empty streets alone.

My mind wanders 

with every corner I turn,

I hope to see you but

You are never in sight.

My hopes are to high

when it comes to the 

reality of you.

We lost ourselves 

which means I lost you.

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: A New Day

As the sun starts to rise Anna is laying in her bed with her eyes wide open. Her thoughts had successfully kept her up all night. She didn't know whether to be excited about going to school and seeing everyone or not. Her first instinct was no, but maybe today was different, a new day of sorts. She disables her alarm before it goes off and heads to the bathroom to start getting ready. She looks at herself in the mirror and all she can think about is how messed up she is becoming. And is it normal to feel this way. She slaps on some foundation and eye shadow and runs upstairs after she hears her dad leave, She did not want to be in the middle of that whole catastrophe. Anna looks at her mom and says "hey I was thinking of going to Ashley's after school if that's OK." Her mom more or less looked surprised at the fact that her and Ashley were talking again. "Sure if that's what you wanna do" her mom says. "I think so" Anna replied back. Today was the day that Anna was allowed to take the car to school since it was a half day so she grabs the keys and heads out the door. 

As she pulls into the student parking lot she sees Jenny in her car crying. Anna thinks to herself don't partake in whatever is going on over there. Anna parks the car and gets out and starts to head over to her other group of friends she had been making when she hears from a far off distance "Anna wait! I need to talk to you!" Pretending to not hear her Anna heads inside to get her locker. All of the sudden she looks behind her and there is Jenny all flustered. Anna stops and Jenny crashes into her. As they both fall to the ground Jenny says "I've missed you and I have big news to tell you!" Anna had the look of complete dumbfoundedness on her face. "Why would she want to tell me anything" she thinks to herself. "OMG!" she says, "I just found out that David likes you!" "Well that's odd Anna" says. Anna was always trying to set him up with other people to hide the fact that she liked him too. "Wait" Anna says "Isn't he still in a relationship with another girl!" Jenny says "YES! But he told me on accident that he was thinking about you a lot lately." Flattered Anna didn't know what to say when she saw him in class so she figured she would just wing it. "Wait" Anna says, "weren't you just balling your eyes out in your car?" "Oh yeah" Jenny says, I was just dumped by Lincoln, he didn't really say why so I was so upset but when I saw you I just became so excited about the David thing so I had to tell you." "What the hell, you were dating Lincoln? Have we not been talking for that long. "Well it has been about 2 months" Jenny says. As she continues with her story Anna goes off in her thoughts about Lincoln and why he would dump Jenny. And why she was even dating him in the first place. Then Anna remembered that no one believed her when she said what Lincoln had done to her. This made her mad, mad that no one believed her still and mad that he would try and date one of her friends. "That's it" Anna says "I'm going over there to deal with him after school." Jenny says "It isn't really that big of a deal I guess he was a jerk to me, kept saying he was trying to make you jealous but you never noticed.

Anna and Jenny finally finish talking and both end up late to their first class, but none of that mattered at this point. Anna sat in her chair tapping her pencil, foot and finger on the desk wanting for this day to be over, She had some stuff she needed to deal with. As soon as the clock hit noon and school was over Anna grabbed all of her stuff and started heading over to Ashley's house. She knew Lincoln would be there. As she pulled up to their house she was filled with rage, she knocks on the door and Lincoln answers it. Anna stood there frozen. She had these things she had planned out to say to him but as soon as she saw him her speech stuttered and didn't make sense. He just looked at her and then grabs her and kisses her. Anna pushes him away and says "I can't believe you did that and dated Jenny just to get back at me. The worst part is I was unintentionally falling for you. All part of you master plan right" He walks away from her and says "you aren't wrong. I've liked you ever since I laid eyes on you. My actions just came off wrong." More angry Anna walks toward him and say you mean you assaulting me came off wrong? Wow you are something special aren't you. I can't keep doing this with you! You ruined everything the moment you laid hands on me." He turns toward Anna and gets really close to her and says "you didn't push me away did you?" Anna pushes him away and says "there I pushed you away!" and continued with "you can't keep doing this to me! You cannot play this game with me anymore. You are in my head and you need to get out!" Lincoln grabs her and kisses her again, but no matter how hard she fought Anna could not control her emotions anymore she gave into him completely. In the back of her mind she could see her flash before her eyes. All the hurt that she was dealing with and how this wasn't making it better. As soon as she was able to get her thoughts back on track and make sense of what was happening she used all of her might to push him away. Lincoln was starting to get upset with Anna and punches a wall. Anna grabs all of her stuff and says "you need to think about what you are doing and how this is making me feel and then leaves.

©Amanda Catherine

Fear (A Poem)

I don't want
To fear being a
Women
But I do.
I am valued
Less and
Fear more.

I fear walking
streets alone
at night.
I fear allys
That lack light.
I fear men
And their
Constant stares.
I fear the idea
That my body is not
The essence of beauty.
I fear the thought
Of my dreams
Being shot.

I fear that
I fear all of
These things.
I fear that
This is normality.
I look outside
And I crumble inside.
I fear to live
My life with
The thought of
Knowing this
Is how it is
Supposed to be.

©Amanda Catherine

My Escape (A Poem)

I remember when I

When I wrote my first poem.

I was such a happy writer to be,

all my words, they flowed so freely. 

Writing became my outlet,

my place for escape.

Escape from the real world,

The drama of everyday life.

I found happiness,

hope,

freedom.

A place where anything could be.

A place where I decided to be me. 

©Amanda Catherine

Ambitions (A Poem)

I am 

not smart,

or am I?

I was always 

told I 

would never

 amount to anything.

Why do you 

even try? 

It won't help,

they always say.

In the back 

of my mind,

I know I

will amount to more.

All they see

is a girl 

who is lost,

and looking

for meaning,  

But I can 

assure you

I'm only

getting started,

you just wait

and see.

There is

so much more

to me.

©Amanda Catherine

Insomniac (A Poem)

Night time,

the best time of day. 

My pen starts 

to flow 

and my thoughts 

grow faster. 

Nothing can hold 

me back.

I am an insomniac. 

While everyone

is sleeping

my thoughts

grow alive. 

Mermaids 

become friends

and friends 

become pirates. 

The world is mine,

I am an insomniac. 

I can be

anything I 

set my pen to. 

My stories are

limitless. 

Nothing can 

stop me now,

I am an insomniac. 

©Amanda Catherine

27 Facts About Me For My 27th Birthday!

1, I was named after a Barry Manilow song.

2. I am an only child.

3. I barely graduated High School.

4. I've never left the US. 

5. I am a Phlebotomist (and I am a real good one.)

6. I've worked in Retail for 9 years. 

7. My eyes change color in the sunlight. There natural color is green.

8. My hair was black when I was born, then all fell out and turned blond.

9. I can cook well. 

10. I love to make banana bread. 

11. I am obsessed with conspiracy theories. (I love seeing what people can come up with.) 

12. My favorite movie is Zoolander.

13. I've been to Vegas over 10 times. 

14. I love The Legend of Zelda games. 

15. I can write a poem in 10 minutes, if not less. It's a weird gift. 

16. I love all different types of music.

17. My favorite band growing up was Good Charlotte.

18. I ran from the cops in High School.

19. I've been suspended in High School and College.

20. My lucky number is 20.

21. I've never been drunk or high.

22. I've lived out of state for a few months tagging bears. 

23. I was a College Dance team.

24. I'm really good at Archery and have been doing in since I was 9.

25. I'm an insomniac. 

26. I've had 5 surgeries.

27. I stutter when I am nervous. 

Amanda Catherine

Dear Society (A Poem)

Dear Society,

According you

I'm fat,

A child left behind

covered in flaws. 

We don't live

We survive.

We're on a streak 

of surviving in poverty.

Convinced this

is what we deserve.

Dear Society,

I don't blame you.

Even more 

I don't expect

you to change.

But,

You're the one

covered in flaws.

The reasons why

we're left behind.

Why when we look

in the mirror and 

don't fit your standards

so we often hate ourselves. 

©Amanda Catherine

Darkness forms a new light (A Poem)

Heavenly clouds gaze over
like the memories of
not long ago.
The darkness forms a new light.
Shooting stars fly from
the midnight sky.
An orange glow begins to appear
the sun will surround you.
Bring on the new day.
Forget the moments of yesterday
let a new day wash over you.

©AmandaCatherine

Haunt my imagination (A Poem)

Silence

Darkness

Solitude.

So many wants,

but yet so many

fears

loneliness

lies.

Tiny lies

that haunt my imagination.

Must not bring myself down,

I can do whatever I can

believe.

Believe in myself,

the rest will follow.

Joy

happiness

perfection….

©Amanda Catherine 

Corny Boyband Lyrics

If I told you that I loved you

Would you walk away?

Forget those words I never got to say.

If I told you that I loved you

Would you... Run away?

All my life I wished

you were by my side.

But now I find reasons to run and hide.

I bump into you everyday,

I stutter, mouth doesn't know what to say.

So I just look at you and run away.

One day I was looking at you

From across the hall when

You came up to me to say

Are you OK?

My heart's a flutter,

My mind is a blur.

It feels like I'm on a cloud,

About to float away.

When you look at me

And say goodbye.

This was my chance to say,

How I feel about you.

Today was the day.

I take a breath in and

Say I am ok, just not in the presence of you.

©Amanda Catherine

Boyband Lyrics with a twist. :)

The beauty within you and me

I’m not like you,

you’re not like me.

We both just want to be

who we want to be. 

We all feel lost, 

we all feel alone.

We will live our lives

and get stories of our own.

We all feel love,

we all feel despair.

We all want a taste of love so rare. 

In this life I hope you see 

the beauty that is within you and me.

©Amanda Catherine