Fear (A Poem)

I don't want
To fear being a
Women
But I do.
I am valued
Less and
Fear more.

I fear walking
streets alone
at night.
I fear allys
That lack light.
I fear men
And their
Constant stares.
I fear the idea
That my body is not
The essence of beauty.
I fear the thought
Of my dreams
Being shot.

I fear that
I fear all of
These things.
I fear that
This is normality.
I look outside
And I crumble inside.
I fear to live
My life with
The thought of
Knowing this
Is how it is
Supposed to be.

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Friends With Benefits

This is going to be a side story of my current on going story. What can happen when you sext? Let me tell you because it's time to open up about this. It's messy and complicated and honestly made my life a total mess. 

It all started when Anna was around the age of 16. After visiting her family for the holidays Anna had met one of her cousins friends and they hit it off so well it was almost crazy. She looked at him once and she immediately fell into that true love feeling. He was younger than her, but she didn't care. She really started to think he was the one, just from talking to him for only a few minutes. He gave her his number but she was to nervous to call or text him until she was really looking for someone to talk to about everything. It started out with a few random texts here and there about life and music but as time went on it turned into something more, way more. Her feelings for this boy named Remy started to grow. She didn't mean for it to happen but it was just so easy, especially with him. One her break from school she decided to go visit family and see him. She Anna pretty much spent the whole time with him and it was amazing. She never wanted it to end, but unfortunately she had to go back home, her feelings were all in a bundle. She didn't know what to think. It was obvious to her that he did not feel the same feelings towards her as he just kept treating her like a friend. But when it came down to it Remy just kept leading Anna on with his texts. A lot of them would say nice things and then have a ton of <3 at the end. Anna played along until one night... Anna had gotten a text from another friend named Jax asking her to send him pictures of her body. Anna was so appalled by this. "Who would want to do that" she thought to herself. It didn't help that Anna had never liked her body so the fact that someone else would was amazing to her. She told Remy about the whole conversation she had with the other boy and he wrote her back and said "we should do that, I think you are beautiful." Anna really didn't want to do this but deep down she was hoping that he eventually would start to like her more like a girlfriend rather than a friend. Anna took a picture of herself just in her pajamas and he wrote her back "what's that I can barely see anything!" Kind of being a bit playful but also wanting Anna to be more of a tease. She sent him another one and it still wasn't good enough. He wanted Anna to be topless. Anna was uncomfortable with this but she didn't want to stop talking to him so she went along with it. He wrote her again and it said "if you send me a good one I will send you a picture of my well....stuff." Anna face turned red, she was so embarrassed. Once she sent him a picture and she got one back she immediately deleted it. Anna really wasn't interested in seeing his... stuff,  it was a little to forward for her. She didn't know how to say that she no longer wanted to do this so she just kept going with it. 

After this had gone on for a few more months Anna got up the courage to ask him what they were. Where they in a relationship, just friends? Her fingers trembled as she was typing in her text. She didn't know how she would feel with any response. She sent her text and waited a while for an answer. She thought to herself "well this could be a bad sign." All of the sudden she got a text back that said "Where just friends with benefits, Honestly I think of you like a sister." Anna's head flooded with all sorts of emotions and thoughts. How could he say that we are friends with benefits but then say that I am a sister to him? Not responding back she got a text a little bit later that said "I phrased that wrong I mean that you are the person I go to talk to about anything without judgement and I really enjoy what we are doing." This was Anna's moment to say exactly how she was feeling but instead she kept quiet about everything that she was feeling. Instead she wrote back,"I really enjoy talking to you as well." Hoping that he would have gotten the hint. He didn't... he just wrote back. "Wanna sext.?"

To Be Continued... <3 ;) 

 ©Amanda Catherine

Hey guys hopefully you like this little side story of my current story I had to backtrack a little bit so I hope it makes since, I really did try. :)  Gonna upload the video I made about this when it gets a little more intense otherwise I would ruin the saddest part. To any family reading this I love my current boyfriend. These feelings are in the past, way gone. 

With Love and Butterflies 

MandAnna
Check Out My Other Stories!

Smoking And Fights: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_15.html

Feeling Invisible: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_13.html

Inside My Head: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

My Thoughts On School Shootings: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Making New Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/09/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html 

My Thoughts On the Story So Far: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_84.html

Anna's High School Poems 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

Learning How to Drive: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_24.html

Falling Pants Recital: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_22.html

Sneaking Out of the House: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_44.html

Behind The Characters: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_26.html

Valentines Dance Disaster: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_18.html

Underage Public Drinking: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_17.html

A Brief Summary 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_16.html

A Romantic Interest: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_15.html

Getting Banned From Hobby Lobby: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_69.html

Failing In a Mosh Pit: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_47.html

Judgmental Family: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_10.html

Anna Gets Suspended: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_9.html

Anna's High School Poems: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

A Summary Of Current Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_19.html

An Unexpected Turn of Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_6.html

Reality Sets In: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_5.html

The Unthinkable Happens: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_4.html

Truth Or Dare: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

The Rumor Mill: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_2.html

Behind The Story: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Betrayal: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Chain Of Inappropriate Texts: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Awkward Dinner: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Sleepover: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_28.html

Friends Becoming Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

The Introduction: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Friends Becoming Friends

As Lincoln approached Anna many thought began to go through her head, "Why was he coming over here?", "Why is he looking at me?". Ashley didn't even seem to notice, or maybe this was just common for him to do. Anna and Ashley had fun that day and they grew into best friends but that means that Anna was around Lincoln a lot more.

Since Anna and Ashley were such good friends that meant that she had to introduce her to all of her other friends that she made in school over the years. Sadly, of all the friends of hers that Ashley connected to the most was her least favorite. Her name was Jenny. Jenny was the meanest to Anna, she constantly criticized how she dressed, how she was a bigger pant size than her and how she had acne. Honestly Anna wondered why she still hung around her, but that is besides the point. Once everyone became close, Ashley's house became the prime time hang out place.

The more Anna was over at Ashley's the more complicated things go with Lincoln. They got left alone a lot because Ashley and Jenny kept dis-including her from the group. Lincoln was growing really fond of her, and then the weirdest thing happened. Lincoln started touching her in all the wrong places. They would sit on the sofa together and while they were alone and he would put his hand up her shirt. At first Anna thought that this was just the way that guys showed that they liked you but she really didn't like it. She kept thinking maybe the further she distanced herself from him the better it might get and the more he may leave her alone.

But that didn't work, it just got worse.

To be continued...

©Amanda Catherine
Check Out My Other Stories!

The Introduction: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Unforgettable Quotes by Men

• “You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.”-Brigham Young
• “Equality is not a concept. It's not something we should be striving for. It's a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women, and the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who's confronted with it. We need equality. Kinda now.”-Joss Whedon
• “You must give everything to make your life as beautiful as the dreams that dance in your imagination.” -Roman Payne
• “Male domination is so rooted in our collective unconscious that we no longer even see it.”-Pierre Bourdieu 
• "The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful. And being generous. Everything else is crap! I promise you! It's just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. So don't buy it. Be smart, be thoughtful, and be generous."  -Ashton Kutcher 
• "Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't." -Bill Nye
• "We are all connected; To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically."-Neil deGrasse Tyson
• "To call woman the weaker sex is a libel; it is man's injustice to woman. If by strength is meant brute strength, then, indeed, is woman less brute than man. If by strength is meant moral power, then woman is immeasurably man's superior. Has she not greater intuition, is she not more self-sacrificing, has she not greater powers of endurance, has she not greater courage? Without her, man could not be. If nonviolence is the law of our being, the future is with woman. Who can make a more effective appeal to the heart than woman?" -Mahatma Gandhi 
• "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." -Albert Einstein
• "We crave for new sensations but soon become indifferent to them. The wonders of yesterday are today common occurrences" -Nikola Tesla
• "Man...heats up like a lightbulb: red hot in the twinkling of an eye and cold again in a flash. The female, on the other hand...heats up like an iron. Slowly, over a low heat, like tasty stew. But then, once she has heated up, there's no stopping her." -Carlos Ruiz Zafon
• "The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for."             -Bob Marley
• "Present fears are less than horrible imaginings." -William Shakespeare
• "When I was 16 years old, I tried to kill myself because I felt weird and I felt different and I felt like I did not belong. And now I'm standing here and so I would like for this moment to be for that kid out there who feels like she's weird or she's different or she doesn't fit in anywhere. Yes you do. I promise you do. You do. Stay weird, stay different. And when it's your turn standing on this stage, please pass the same message on to the next person who comes along." - Graham Moore