My Escape (A Poem)

I remember when I

When I wrote my first poem.

I was such a happy writer to be,

all my words, they flowed so freely. 

Writing became my outlet,

my place for escape.

Escape from the real world,

The drama of everyday life.

I found happiness,

hope,

freedom.

A place where anything could be.

A place where I decided to be me. 

©Amanda Catherine

Unforgettable (A Poem)

Look in the mirror,

what do you see? 

Every flaw,

Every imperfection

that society tells you to see.

You want to be unforgettable,

like poetry.

But the imagery doesn't fit. 

Walking along the street

what do the people see? 

Only how you appear on

the outside.

Disregarding,

Disregarding what lies

underneath.

Underneath every

unforgettable flaw.

Not knowing

that your story is what lies

underneath. 

My inspiration was cute is what we aim for "lyrical lies"

©Amanda Catherine 

When I light this candle (A Poem)

I light a candle for you

for all the daydreams and emotions

I have of looking in your eyes

and you looking into mine.

This love could be everything but untrue.

Even though we’ve been together so long,

our love it seems oh so new.

This candle I have, is for

all the dreams I keep of you.

Kissing in the rain

is all I want to do.

Our hearts are full of the love we have,

for each other.

How could you not be

the one for me?

The flame of this candle is us,

for all the slow dances we shared together

upon the dark mid-night sky.

As you get on one knee

as my heart starts pounding,

as my heart starts racing,

You say those four words.

“Will you marry me?”

Stuttering, I could only say,

“I love you”

I hold this candle as

I walk down the aisle,

realizing there is nothing else

I want to do.

I accept this ring

and give my hand-written vow

of the love that I have,

for only you.

I blow out this candle

knowing our love will grow,

with every drip of wax,

that falls.

©Amanda Catherine 

Troubles (A Poem)

I'm to troubled

To bother to be what I strive be.

I'm to angry at my life

to see where I fit in this world.

I'm to self conscious

to see the beauty that

may lye within me and

I'm to lost to find myself.

Maybe it's my lack if trying

or my fear of the happiness

that would come my way.

I fear to be happy,

I just run away.
I run away
from things

That bring me joy.

I need to change.

No more running,

no more fear.

Just me the way I want to be,

the way I need to be.

©Amanda Catherine

You Are (A Poem)

You're fat,

you're thin,

you're emotional

you're an eating disorder.

You're sad,

you're depressed,

you're alone.

You're a mystery.

You walk alone

down the streets 

of people

that feel the same. 

You avoid eye contact,

No one understands

why you act this way.

You look at your feet

sigh.

Everyone is talking about you

right?

People walk past you

make you feel invisible.

They are getting 

into your head.

But you are doing

 the same to them.

We all just walk

on by,

no one understands

or cares. 

We are to busy

in our lives

to be. 

©Amanda Catherine

Fading into the Shadows (A Poem)

Cast in the shadows

I will stay

until I fade away.

Yet still I wonder

how much longer?

Does it even bother.

I will never live

to the standard

of anyone else.

Yet I still wonder

should I even try

or just fade into

my emotions that are inside.

No one can hurt me here

seems like a good place to stay

I will let myself fade away.

Fade into what everyone expects

while I try to forget.

Forget what I have become,

the person that you think I should be

instead of being my own true me.

I’m getting to the point where

I am ready to explode,

there is so much pain inside

waiting to be exposed.

I want to be noticed

even with my own true flaws

not lost,

from everyone’s sight

until I get it right.

I want to live my life

for all to see.

No more being cast

in someone else’s shadow

I am here,

I am ready to be seen

seen for the real me.

 ©Amanda Catherine

Dancing in the rain (updated)

Splashing in the puddles
we dance in the rain.
Jumping and laughing
it feels like we could
do this all day.

Dancing reminds us
of how happy life can be.
Flashes of lightning
glimmer from the sky
and we dance
we dance to forget.
To forget the pain as we
let the rain wash it away.

We splash
with flowers in our hair
a reminder of the
beauty that is held within us.
We dance.

©Amanda Catherine

Eyes (A Poem)

While looking in the mirror, 

Tell me what you see. 

Are those eyes telling stories 

of what could never be.

Your thoughts are gone,

Is everything lost? 

Memories come in,

I should have never done this.

Where are my friends now? 

Less than forgotten 

I travel alone,

My life is all my own.

Along this path I travel off course

With nothing but remorse.

Back on track and

now I see

All of what's in front of me.

A new beginning,

A new past.

All of which I never

Thought I would see

©Amanda Catherine

The beauty within you and me

I’m not like you,

you’re not like me.

We both just want to be

who we want to be. 

We all feel lost, 

we all feel alone.

We will live our lives

and get stories of our own.

We all feel love,

we all feel despair.

We all want a taste of love so rare. 

In this life I hope you see 

the beauty that is within you and me.

©Amanda Catherine

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Friends With Benefits

This is going to be a side story of my current on going story. What can happen when you sext? Let me tell you because it's time to open up about this. It's messy and complicated and honestly made my life a total mess. 

It all started when Anna was around the age of 16. After visiting her family for the holidays Anna had met one of her cousins friends and they hit it off so well it was almost crazy. She looked at him once and she immediately fell into that true love feeling. He was younger than her, but she didn't care. She really started to think he was the one, just from talking to him for only a few minutes. He gave her his number but she was to nervous to call or text him until she was really looking for someone to talk to about everything. It started out with a few random texts here and there about life and music but as time went on it turned into something more, way more. Her feelings for this boy named Remy started to grow. She didn't mean for it to happen but it was just so easy, especially with him. One her break from school she decided to go visit family and see him. She Anna pretty much spent the whole time with him and it was amazing. She never wanted it to end, but unfortunately she had to go back home, her feelings were all in a bundle. She didn't know what to think. It was obvious to her that he did not feel the same feelings towards her as he just kept treating her like a friend. But when it came down to it Remy just kept leading Anna on with his texts. A lot of them would say nice things and then have a ton of <3 at the end. Anna played along until one night... Anna had gotten a text from another friend named Jax asking her to send him pictures of her body. Anna was so appalled by this. "Who would want to do that" she thought to herself. It didn't help that Anna had never liked her body so the fact that someone else would was amazing to her. She told Remy about the whole conversation she had with the other boy and he wrote her back and said "we should do that, I think you are beautiful." Anna really didn't want to do this but deep down she was hoping that he eventually would start to like her more like a girlfriend rather than a friend. Anna took a picture of herself just in her pajamas and he wrote her back "what's that I can barely see anything!" Kind of being a bit playful but also wanting Anna to be more of a tease. She sent him another one and it still wasn't good enough. He wanted Anna to be topless. Anna was uncomfortable with this but she didn't want to stop talking to him so she went along with it. He wrote her again and it said "if you send me a good one I will send you a picture of my well....stuff." Anna face turned red, she was so embarrassed. Once she sent him a picture and she got one back she immediately deleted it. Anna really wasn't interested in seeing his... stuff,  it was a little to forward for her. She didn't know how to say that she no longer wanted to do this so she just kept going with it. 

After this had gone on for a few more months Anna got up the courage to ask him what they were. Where they in a relationship, just friends? Her fingers trembled as she was typing in her text. She didn't know how she would feel with any response. She sent her text and waited a while for an answer. She thought to herself "well this could be a bad sign." All of the sudden she got a text back that said "Where just friends with benefits, Honestly I think of you like a sister." Anna's head flooded with all sorts of emotions and thoughts. How could he say that we are friends with benefits but then say that I am a sister to him? Not responding back she got a text a little bit later that said "I phrased that wrong I mean that you are the person I go to talk to about anything without judgement and I really enjoy what we are doing." This was Anna's moment to say exactly how she was feeling but instead she kept quiet about everything that she was feeling. Instead she wrote back,"I really enjoy talking to you as well." Hoping that he would have gotten the hint. He didn't... he just wrote back. "Wanna sext.?"

To Be Continued... <3 ;) 

 ©Amanda Catherine

Hey guys hopefully you like this little side story of my current story I had to backtrack a little bit so I hope it makes since, I really did try. :)  Gonna upload the video I made about this when it gets a little more intense otherwise I would ruin the saddest part. To any family reading this I love my current boyfriend. These feelings are in the past, way gone. 

With Love and Butterflies 

MandAnna
Check Out My Other Stories!

Smoking And Fights: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_15.html

Feeling Invisible: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_13.html

Inside My Head: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

My Thoughts On School Shootings: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Making New Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/09/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html 

My Thoughts On the Story So Far: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_84.html

Anna's High School Poems 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

Learning How to Drive: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_24.html

Falling Pants Recital: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_22.html

Sneaking Out of the House: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_44.html

Behind The Characters: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_26.html

Valentines Dance Disaster: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_18.html

Underage Public Drinking: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_17.html

A Brief Summary 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_16.html

A Romantic Interest: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_15.html

Getting Banned From Hobby Lobby: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_69.html

Failing In a Mosh Pit: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_47.html

Judgmental Family: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_10.html

Anna Gets Suspended: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_9.html

Anna's High School Poems: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

A Summary Of Current Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_19.html

An Unexpected Turn of Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_6.html

Reality Sets In: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_5.html

The Unthinkable Happens: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_4.html

Truth Or Dare: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

The Rumor Mill: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_2.html

Behind The Story: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Betrayal: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Chain Of Inappropriate Texts: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Awkward Dinner: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Sleepover: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_28.html

Friends Becoming Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

The Introduction: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Inside My Head

Those who have been keeping up with my story probably know that I was never the most confident in High School... or ever really. There are many things that I know now about the situation I was in that I wish I would have known then. For some people they would wish to go back and fix their mistakes for me I wish that everyone involved got their lives figured out and are better people through learning from their mistakes. I'll admit, my naivetés never helped the situation or me in anyway, shape or form but I did eventually learn... A little late, but that doesn't matter as much now. I still have issues in everyday life from thinking that people are constantly out to get me and I spend way more time in the quietness of my home than is needed. I don't know if it is a fear of people or the fear that I am going to have to go through that again. Most of you may know that I don't have very many if any friends at all. Most of my friends are online and oddly enough that works for me. Back in High School I wish I would have known that it is better to have one good friend than a lot of as I call them "sour friends". I wanted friends just to have friends, not because they were necessarily good for me. My life in High School became making my "sour friends" happy and not myself. Those types of situations never end well. I can honestly say I lost who I was. Even to this day, I look at myself in pictures or in the mirror and all I see is a sad person trying to force a smile. I know I still have my issues, but I am better than I have been currently. I am still trying to find that quirky, sassy person that I used to be. It may take a while and I am ok with that... I think. All my life I have been told where to go or who to be and I am finally free to make my own decisions or even to see myself how I see fit. I feel like my family was or I guess is the worst at making me feel bad about my body. I can tell you without a doubt that I hate my body. It may be because I was always told that I was fat or ugly but I really do hate everything about it. Within my family I am the forgotten one and I will always be the forgotten one. I will never be better than any of them. I don't even waste my time visiting most of them because it's a constant put down. I know that it is how they see me and how they see themselves but it is hard to be around that. I am not as successful as most of them and will never be as successful as most of them. But as some people pointed out to me recently your work does not define you, the type of person you are does. Which is why I always try to be nice to everyone I meet. I don't know their struggles and they don't know mine but that doesn't mean for the brief second we have together I can't try and make their day a little bit brighter. So don't forget to give someone a compliment during your day! I know that I have messed up some peoples' lives and there are some people who have messed up mine but I never regret having them in my life for the most part.

I almost forgot to tell you guys, I saw Greg the inappropriate texting guy from my story, it was awkward. His mouth dropped when he saw me. I don't know if that is good or bad but it happened. From the way things were left between us we didn't say anything but we stared at each other for quite some time. He knows how mad I was about everything so I think he was afraid to approach me. The last time I saw him he was hanging out with all of the people that hurt me, which was pretty much all of my high school friends. I don't know why but at the time it really upset me. They are all still really good friends now even. I think I was so mad because they all bonded over everything that happened with me so I felt betrayed (again). Now I feel like that was meant to be. We couldn't be friends anymore nor did I want to be friends with them so I am glad that they have each other.

To be continued!!

©Amanda Catherine

<3
Check Out My Other Stories! 

My Thoughts On School Shootings: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Making New Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/09/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html 

My Thoughts On the Story So Far: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_84.html

Anna's High School Poems 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

Learning How to Drive: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_24.html

Falling Pants Recital: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_22.html

Sneaking Out of the House: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_44.html

Behind The Characters: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_26.html

Valentines Dance Disaster: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_18.html

Underage Public Drinking: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_17.html

A Brief Summary 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_16.html

A Romantic Interest: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_15.html

Getting Banned From Hobby Lobby: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_69.html

Failing In a Mosh Pit: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_47.html

Judgmental Family: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_10.html

Anna Gets Suspended: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_9.html

Anna's High School Poems: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

A Summary Of Current Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_19.html

An Unexpected Turn of Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_6.html

Reality Sets In: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_5.html

The Unthinkable Happens: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_4.html

Truth Or Dare: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

The Rumor Mill: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_2.html

Behind The Story: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Betrayal: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Chain Of Inappropriate Texts: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Awkward Dinner: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Sleepover: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_28.html

Friends Becoming Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

The Introduction: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Unforgettable Quotes by Women

• "You ask me to explain myself. I'm just wondering, what needs to be explained? It should be very clear. Look into your own heart—I swear to you, mine is no different. You want a place in a trades and professions where you can earn your bread; so do I. You want the means of self-expression, some way to satisfy your own personal ambitions; so do I. You want a voice in the government under which you live; so do I. What is there to explain?" -Alice Paul in Iron Jawed Angels 

• "I think the girl who is able to earn her own living and pay her own way should be as happy as anybody on earth. The sense of independence and security is very sweet." -Susan B. Anthony

• "It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it's one damn thing over and over."-Edna St. Vincent Millay

• "Much like pro-lifers, I believe in protecting the child--when she is forced to have a baby at 14." -Sarah Silverman

• "Women must try to do things that men have tried, their failure must be but a challenge to others." -Amelia Earhart

• "Be strong. Don't be a follower, and always do the right thing. If you have the choice between the right thing and the wrong thing, the right way is always the less stressful." -Jennifer Lawrence

• "It is time that we all see gender as a spectrum instead of two sets of opposing ideals." -Emma Watson

• "The kind of things we say are: 'Why is it mischievous, fun and sexy if a guy has a string of lovers that he's cast aside, loved and left? Yet if a women dates three or four people in an eight- year period she is a serial dater and it gives some 12- year old the idea to call her a slut on the internet? It's not the same for boys, it just isn't and that's a fact." -Taylor Swift

• "There are no regrets in life, just lessons."-Jennifer Aniston

• "I don't want to be somebody else."-Tina Fey

• "The truth is: even though we sort of feel like we have equal rights in America right under the surface, there are huge issues that are applied that really do affect women... And it's time for all the women in America and all the men that love women, and all the gay people, and all the people of color that we've all fought for to fight for us now."-Patricia Arquette

• “To all the girls that think you’re fat because you’re not a size zero, you’re the beautiful one, its society who’s ugly.”-Marilyn Monroe

• "Nothing is impossible, the word itself says "I'm possible". -Audrey Hepburn

Love (A Poem)

When we both met each other eye to eye

we only heard things about each other

that almost made us cry.

But those two minutes we spent

talking on the phone made me

feel like I was home, with you.

I had an eager to tell you

but all I did was lie

until one day I blurted out the whole thing

and almost made you cry.

This is love that I am feeling,

and from the bottom if my heart

I hope you feel the same way as I do.
©Amanda Catherine

This is the first poem I wrote when I was in the 7th grade. I currently revised it so it flowed better. :)

What is Beauty (A Poem)

"What is beauty?"

The young girl thinks

to herself sitting alone,

she isn't pretty enough

to sit with her friends.

They all point and laugh

because she is different.

Different in ways

no one likes.

"That doesn't make me a bad person"

she says to herself.

What a waste,

no one will realize this, until too late.

Too late to change

her friends and

what paths they chose

in their lives.

"Maybe this could be different"

she thinks

I could change myself

to what they think is better.

But then I would not be

being truthful

 to me.

That is what is beauty

most of all. 

©Amanda Catherine