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Thursday, June 21, 2018

If He Is Reading ( A Poem)

I he is reading,
I want things to
Go back to the
Way they were.

If he is reading,
You messed up,
But I know I
messed up to.

If he is reading, 
I am confused
And don't know
Where we stand.
Friends or acquaintances.

If he is reading,
You tried to
Manipulate me,
This i cannot forget,
But I can eventually forgive.

If he is reading,
You said sorry
And I believe you
But somehow things
Seem to messed up
For that to matter now.

©Amanda Catherine

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

You Are Beautiful!

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Funny (A Poem)

I've always tried
To be something 
I am not. 
Like it was bad 
To be me
For some 
unknown reason. 

That's what I felt. 
Lost because 
No one really 
Knew me. 
Just the parts
I wanted them 
To see. 

Your so funny,
That's what they say. 
I try to let
This comment go
So my mind doesn't 
Go astray. 

I'm so funny 
With my 
Stupid remarks. 
So quick witted
Because I have
To be. 
I cannot let them see
The real me. 

Copyright: Amanda Catherine

Friday, January 26, 2018

Open Arms (A Poem)

It's been 28 years
Since I met you.
You welcomed me
Into this world with
Open arms.
Now I must
say goodbye to you
With open arms.

You showed me what
It meant love and
All the different ways
To have fun.
My life is going to
Be so much different
Without you here
With me.

My mind is gone.
I can't stop crying,
I just lie in bed
And imagine
Your image,
Your touch,
Your voice
Your laugh
And all the memories we share.

I want you back with me
But instead I fade
Back into reality of
What will never be. 

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Some Random Thoughts...

I am going to talk about something that I have never really talked about. You all read my posts and got to know my life, in ways most haven't been able to. I feel like I can open up on here and hopefully not get to much hate.

I've been thinking a lot about death lately, mainly because my grandpa is currently in hospice. It's amazing how fast life can go and how nothing ever really lasts forever.

Currently I have been battling with chronic depression and anxiety. When I was sexually assaulted my parents didn't do to much for me help wise... so the depression just gradually got worse and worse. Once I was an adult I was to embarrassed to admit to myself much less others that I was battling depression. I wanted to be as strong as everyone thought I was, even though I did not feel strong myself.

I started running away from my problems and acting like I was totally fine, even though deep down I wasn't and I am not sure I ever really was. I pushed everyone away who was close to me because it was to much to handle. If you notice in my poetry it is always about running, leaving or being alone, that is because that is seriously how I felt. I felt like I had to do or be those things. All my poetry is about life experiences, poetry became the one outlet that I could hold on and still hold on to. I have no other way to express my true feelings besides writing, so thank you guys for reading and hopefully relating to them.

I wish I was different a lot. I have never been comfortable in my own skin. When I was younger I was the weird one that everyone made fun of, until I started doing stupid things just to fit in. It worked, until I lost sight of who I really was. By the time I realized this I was to far gone and tangled in a web of high school drama with everything else I have talked about.

I don't really know why I wrote this, but maybe you all will have more of an insight about who I am and why my poetry and writings are sometimes so sad.


Saturday, December 2, 2017

No Fear (A Poem)

Outside, under the 
city lights,
rain is pouring,
dogs are barking
as the thunder is

Some run,
Some hide
Beneath covered 
Other wait, 
take a breath 
and start dancing.

No fear, 
just life
either way you 
look at it.

Just live. 

©Amanda Catherine

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Be One (A Poem)

I run around living my life,
but deep down I know
my life is never
what I can make it

what a silly phrase. 
What is it to really be? 
What is it to really be 

with myself,
with life,
with my emotions. 
One is just a number. 
You're never number one.

ah yes, the name I am 
constantly called by bullies,
bullies who think they know me.

I am more then you know,
you are more than I know. 
Lets all just be one 

©Amanda Catherine