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Saturday, August 8, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Anna's High School Poems!

Shadow of the Past
You glance at the past 
of what your life could have been.
Reading your past memories,
You set them on fire, 
as the paper is burning,
the flame it grows.
As the wind blows,
it puts away a fear and 
throws away a tear.

My hatred for you, 
it grows stronger and 
I can't hold it any longer. 
Why do I bother?
You would give it all away, 
for that wish you need the most.
As you walk into the darkness,
you get further and further. 
Behind you, there is a trail of blood 
that weaves around your fears and 
hold onto your tears. 

You pass a rose
and it turns from red to black.
The darkness it grows 
as your shadow it disappears,
just like a ghost.
So you close your eyes
as you wonder if anyone will save you.

As your heart stops 
beat by beat 
you realize that the past 
you love so much
is nothing but a flame fading away. 

Hey guys it's Amanda (Anna), I wanted to tell you what this poem meant to me at the time, since it can be hard to follow. It is about me losing myself and how I saw myself starting to disappear and becoming the flame fading away. At the time I really wanted to not exist and I contemplated suicide a lot, thus all the death references. I was lost and I felt alone and I think that this poem shows it very well. I would definitely write it differently now, but I love the detail in this one.

One Little Look and One Little Smile
If I listened to you every word
when you spoke, would you notice me?
How long would it take 
for you to see that I am alive?
My last wish is that
I could breathe you into my life,
so that sooner or later you'd see me.
So that I would not be invisible. 
What would that take? 

I wounder if things would have 
turned out different,
but I guess I will never know.
I would give up everything
for one little look and one little smile. 

My entire dreams revolve around 
the soften whisper that you gave me, 
with your eyes all a glow. 
I'd give up my life for that 
one little look and one little smile. 
I'll always wonder what is would take
to get that smile I adore upon your gleaming lips.

What can I saw about this one besides that I wrote it when I had a really bad crush on Wyatt. Looking back now, I would not give my life for a look or a smile. I was weirdo and took boys to seriously, like most teenage girls.

Suicide Note
Nothing ever goes right,
nothing ever falls into place. 
There is no more I can take. 
My stomach, it shatters
with all this pain inside me. 
As I sit here, as I write this
getting all the pain inside me out
I hope that I will feel better. 
But somehow my heart it splits in two
and becomes apart
of my life but also,
how much I want my family
to know that this is my suicide note.
I know it's just a bunch of words on paper,
but it's how I feel with my life
and how much I want them to know
that this is my suicide note. 

As I said above, I contemplated suicide a lot. I wrote this because I wanted someone to see my pain. I was very good at hiding it and I never knew how to tell someone about all my issues. I wanted to be the happy go lucky person I made people think I was, but in actuality...

                                 Click on the video to see me go through more of the poems! 

                                                                    Love and butterflies,

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