It's obvious that Anna is one lost little butterfly. I wish that I could tell you that she eventually figures it out, but she doesn't. I get a lot of the comments I get are "she need to toughen up" and I agree! With her friends she lets them walk all over her and where has that gotten her? No where good that is. The problem is, is that she is to afraid to stand up for herself or to be her authentic self because no one ever said it's OK to be you. To most of you this probably sounds crazy, but some of you may get it. It's hard to be you when everyone around you keeps putting you down for being you. With Lincoln, she is afraid of him and doesn't want to get even more hurt so sometimes she thinks that it is best to do as he says so that the situation doesn't get worse. Anna doesn't want anyone else to find out what happened with them at this time and again it's because where has that gotten her again? She had to apologize for something she didn't want because everyone thought she was lying. Anna does have some fun times with her other friends and she does feel more accepted by them, but her best friends are still Jenny and Ashley. This makes it hard to just say good- bye to them, even though she wants to and eventually does.
I wish that I would have never made friends with Ashley and Jenny. It's hard for me to admit this. But because I met them and became so involved and puppet like with them I am still really damaged from them. I know I shouldn't complain to much because there is always someone out there that has it worst than you do. But this is my life and I feel like I will never be able to live it to the fullest because I will always hear them in the back of my mind. "You're fat, You'll never be pretty, you deserved what happened to you." Some call it not letting go or holding on to the past but I call it having no self confidence because of everything that was going on at this point in my life. This doesn't make me a bad person or an attention whore. It makes me real. Yes, I have depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder but I fell that I can make a positive influence to someone out there. Sure I still don't have anything figured out, but I can say that I survived all of this non sense. I didn't come out with guns blazing, it was more of a trip and fall flat on my face kinda thing.
With Brian I wish I could say that we are still friends but as soon as he graduates we text but that's it and that slowly goes down to nothing. I haven't talked to him in years. I feel like our relationship ended because there was nothing else we could give to each other. We were the friends that became friends because we were both rejects who shared the same interests and once he left he made new friends that were more his speed and that's fine! Some of my greatest memories are with him. With Jenny, she became best friends with all my enemies. She is friends with Greg and Lincoln (and a guy named Nate that I haven't gotten to yet) currently and I couldn't deal with that. It also made me mad because she ultimately did choose them over me. Ashley moved far away and changed schools after my Junior year with her. Her mom decided that I wasn't the best friend for her to have so they all moved. It was good and bad. I was happy that Lincoln left, but I didn't want to loose my friend under such harsh circumstances. I guess the easiest way to put it is, I am not friends with anyone I was in High School. Most of them under awful conditions. Maybe it was me and my damaged self or maybe they all needed to find themselves as well either way I know that it no longer matters. I have not dove into the topic of my home life very much, but I have hinted at certain things. I am not sure how I want to approach it yet. My dad was severely emotionally abusive because he had an addiction. I am not sure if I want to describe it differently in the story to get my point across of how awful it was.
I am not sure what the point of this post was but I hope you gained an idea of what is going on or why it's been getting harder for me to write about certain things. I am trying to make everything seem hunky dory but it is not. Either way I hope that you have enjoyed the story so far and stay tuned for some emotional shit here soon.
To be continued... <3 <3 :( :) :/
Check Out My Other Stories!
Check Out My Other Stories!
Anna's High School Poems 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html
Learning How to Drive: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_24.html
Falling Pants Recital: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_22.html
Sneaking Out of the House: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_44.html
Behind The Characters: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_26.html
Valentines Dance Disaster: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_18.html
Underage Public Drinking: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_17.html
A Brief Summary 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_16.html
A Romantic Interest: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_15.html
Getting Banned From Hobby Lobby: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_69.html
Failing In a Mosh Pit: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_47.html
Judgmental Family: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_10.html
Anna Gets Suspended: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_9.html
Anna's High School Poems: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html
A Summary Of Current Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_19.html
An Unexpected Turn of Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_6.html
Reality Sets In: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_5.html
The Unthinkable Happens: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_4.html
Truth Or Dare: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html
Behind The Story: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html
The Chain Of Inappropriate Texts: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html
The Awkward Dinner: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html
The Sleepover: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_28.html
Friends Becoming Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html