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Thursday, August 27, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: My Thoughts On The Story So Far

It's obvious that Anna is one lost little butterfly. I wish that I could tell you that she eventually figures it out, but she doesn't. I get a lot of the comments I get are "she need to toughen up" and I agree! With her friends she lets them walk all over her and where has that gotten her? No where good that is. The problem is, is that she is to afraid to stand up for herself or to be her authentic self because no one ever said it's OK to be you. To most of you this probably sounds crazy, but some of you may get it. It's hard to be you when everyone around you keeps putting you down for being you. With Lincoln, she is afraid of him and doesn't want to get even more hurt so sometimes she thinks that it is best to do as he says so that the situation doesn't get worse. Anna doesn't want anyone else to find out what happened with them at this time and again it's because where has that gotten her again? She had to apologize for something she didn't want because everyone thought she was lying. Anna does have some fun times with her other friends and she does feel more accepted by them, but her best friends are still Jenny and Ashley. This makes it hard to just say good- bye to them, even though she wants to and eventually does.

I wish that I would have never made friends with Ashley and Jenny. It's hard for me to admit this. But because I met them and became so involved and puppet like with them I am still really damaged from them. I know I shouldn't complain to much because there is always someone out there that has it worst than you do. But this is my life and I feel like I will never be able to live it to the fullest because I will always hear them in the back of my mind. "You're fat, You'll never be pretty, you deserved what happened to you." Some call it not letting go or holding on to the past but I call it having no self confidence because of everything that was going on at this point in my life. This doesn't make me a bad person or an attention whore. It makes me real. Yes, I have depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder but I fell that I can make a positive influence to someone out there. Sure I still don't have anything figured out, but I can say that I survived all of this non sense. I didn't come out with guns blazing, it was more of a trip and fall flat on my face kinda thing.

With Brian I wish I could say that we are still friends but as soon as he graduates we text but that's it and that slowly goes down to nothing. I haven't talked to him in years. I feel like our relationship ended because there was nothing else we could give to each other. We were the friends that became friends because we were both rejects who shared the same interests and once he left he made new friends that were more his speed and that's fine! Some of my greatest memories are with him. With Jenny, she became best friends with all my enemies. She is friends with Greg and Lincoln (and a guy named Nate that I haven't gotten to yet) currently and I couldn't deal with that. It also made me mad because she ultimately did choose them over me. Ashley moved far away and changed schools after my Junior year with her. Her mom decided that I wasn't the best friend for her to have so they all moved. It was good and bad. I was happy that Lincoln left, but I didn't want to loose my friend under such harsh circumstances. I guess the easiest way to put it is, I am not friends with anyone I was in High School. Most of them under awful conditions. Maybe it was me and my damaged self or maybe they all needed to find themselves as well either way I know that it no longer matters. I have not dove into the topic of my home life very much, but I have hinted at certain things. I am not sure how I want to approach it yet. My dad was severely emotionally abusive because he had an addiction. I am not sure if I want to describe it differently in the story to get my point across of how awful it was. 

I am not sure what the point of this post was but I hope you gained an idea of what is going on or why it's been getting harder for me to write about certain things. I am trying to make everything seem hunky dory but it is not. Either way I hope that you have enjoyed the story so far and stay tuned for some emotional shit here soon. 

To be continued... <3 <3 :( :) :/
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Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Anna's High School Poems and Notes 2!

Hello everyone! I found many notebooks of old notes that I had never given people as well as my old poem assignments that I though I would share with you. Don't worry they are embarrassing and emotional so they won't disappoint. Enjoy! Let me know the weird poem you like the most! 


Animal in Me
There is a Dolphin in me.
With a splash like a mountain
And fins like a mountain peak.
It jumps like a fly saucer.
It lives on the move
and makes me happy.
I wish I could swim free.
It makes me want to stand tall.
It makes me feel as if I am the ocean. 

Apology Poem
I'm sorry
I have to say,
that I made a mistake
and I'll never do that again.

You were probably in pain.

Forgive me,
I'm sorry.
But sometimes that's just the way it has to be.

Ask out, Dating
Boyfriend, girlfriend, happiness
Enjoyment, engagement, marriage, in love
Troublesome, Consequences, Doubts
Fights, struggling

Mood Poem
I'm Happy,
Not jump up and down happy,
Not dance around my room happy,
Not happy enough to kiss someone.
But just sunny day happy.
Happy because schools almost over,
Happy because everyone I know is happy.
Happy that I'm not grounded anymore. 

Hey, it's Anna, I just wanted to say hello and tell you what happened at the game yesterday. OK, well I told you about the night at Brian's party right, well that's what he did again. I'm so confused and lost cause he has Jess and yet he is doing that with me. Ashley is so pissed that he did that again. I was talking to her about that for a long time last night. She kept saying he's going to hurt you. (Wyatt that is.) Well he called me pudgy, but that's OK, I don't really care what he thinks. He called it sexy pudge at least. (lol) He kept saying mine and then putting his arms over me. I'm so confused. I don't even know if he is dating Jess or not and if so I'd feel horrible because it feels like he cheated on her with me. Again, I'm so confused. But anyway how are you? Good I hope!!!! My mom made me leave at lunch, but let me drive home!!! (hehe) LOL I should go, talk to you later! 

I wrote that after I had seen Wyatt, obviously I was a stupid teenage girl. GRR

I don't know why you are mad at me. I don't even know what I did. Whatever it is I am sorry. I never started any rumors about you no matter what people say. I am happy that you and Wyatt seem so happy together. I can tell he never really liked me by how he acts with you. I'm happy for you. Have you thought about the dance you would want to do for dance class first period? I was thinking a hip- hop jazz routine. I really don't like the teacher for our dance class. She is crazy. Well I hope you write me back. 

Jenny was mad at me for something I didn't do again. 

Sorry I couldn't come over yesterday, I had to help my mom with stuff around the house. What guitar song did you learn? I am jealous that you got to play yesterday! I don't know what's going on, but everyone is being really really mean to me lately. Do you know why? If you want to walk home together after school that would be fun. Also Jenny keeps rolling her eyes at me. I'm guessing everyone is being to me because of her. I guess I better get back to my fake life where I have sex in cars for fun and then lie and say that they rapped me. 

Ah, the note that I was going to give Ashley as soon as the rumor mill got talking again. 

Be prepared for a fun new story tomorrow! 
With Love and Butterflies 
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Monday, August 24, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Learning how to Drive!

Anna finally gets her permit and she couldn't be more excited! Driving meant more freedom from everyone. Since she just got her permit she was hoping her mom would teach her, she is more understanding and not as hard on her. But, sadly her mom wanted her dad to teach her so it took them forever to come to an agreement. She was able to convince her parents to take her to a parking lot to start learning, which Anna thought was funny because it ended up being the Hobby Lobby parking lot. It really didn't go well, her dad kept yelling at her and Anna never really knew what she was doing wrong. Anna's dad decided that he didn't want to teach her after that experience so that meant her mom had to. Anna was sad but extremely happy when she found this out. Not a lot of people were patient enough to teach her things.

A few weeks went by and no one was willing to teach her how to drive. That is until Brian learned that she got her permit and wasn't able to drive. He told her that after school for the next few days he would teach her. The only issue is, he has a stick shift and that made Anna even more terrified, but he told her not to worry. Honestly Anna didn't want to ruin his car, but he didn't seem to worried. It was the first day and Anna met him down in the student parking lot. He had a red Chevy Cavalier so he was decently easy to find in the parking lot. Anna hopped into the driver seat and they took off, as fast as they could anyway. It was a little rocky at first, but that was to be expected. Later came a lot of laughing, but Anna eventually figured it out, She decided to turn out into the neighborhood because she was feeling confident. That's when Brian looked at her and said "time to hop on the highway!' Anna looked at him at and yelled "Oh hell no!" He laughed at Anna as he said, "No, I just wanted to go to Sam Goody again, want to come." Of course Anna did so they switched seats and drove away.

Once they got to the mall where Sam Goody was they ran into a bunch of friends from school that all thought they were a couple. They weren't, but they spent so much time together that sometimes it felt like they were. They were just good friends. Brian was the first person to tell her that she was pretty, so Anna always felt some sort of attachment to him. It was more like a brotherly attachment though, since she had no siblings. They stop to engage in conversation and at first the conversation was going well, but then it turned bad. They started criticizing Brian for hanging around Anna because she was two grades younger than him and because she was perceived as the "school slut" by everyone still. Anna was under the impression that the rumors had died down, but that was all her just hoping. Brian looks at Anna and says, "I know that she would never do anything like that." Anna stares back and says "And I know he will always stand up for me." It didn't matter that there was an age gap or what people where saying. Brian grabs her arm and pulls her away, no need to stay talking to those people any longer than they already did. They get into Sam Goody and they start talking while shuffling through CD's. Brian tells her that the girl who pushed her through the mosh pit thought that she was funny and was wondering if Anna was coming back to any of the other shows after the incident. Rolling her eyes Anna says "Well yeah I want to come back, I just need ways to get there", since a lot of his shows were clear across town. That's when he says "Don't you worry your worried little head" and hands her a huge pile of passes to all of his shows. Anna doesn't look at him, instead she stares at the passes with her eyes about to pop out of her head with a smile like a colon capital D. 

To Be Continued...

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 
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Saturday, August 22, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Falling Pants Recital

Anna was so excited, her and Ashley had finally talked about everything and fixed their friendship. Finally she had someone to talk to about everything with out any judgement. She had Brian of course, but it is always nice having a girl to talk to. Anna was also ecstatic because her dance class that she was in outside of school had a recital coming up! Her and her dance group were dancing at the local mall. After all the effort she had put into learning this intense routine she was looking forward to getting some satisfaction out of it. They were dancing to Michael Jackson "They Don't Care about us". With all the different types of beats in that song it made for a very fun routine. The routine had a lot of stomping, clapping and jumping. She loved her dance teacher too, she was a Denver Bronco Cheerleader, so they often spent time learning their routines for fun. The only thing was, Anna was very nervous about the outfit that she had to wear. She was very uncomfortable with her body and her skin tight top she had to wear wasn't helping. 

It was finally the day of the recital, she got up decently early for her to get ready since it was an all day thing with multiple shows. At least with this recital she didn't have to wear a wig all day like the last one she was in. She puts on her pants and her top, sucks in her gut and sighs... "oh well it's just one day she thinks" to herself. As her and her mom are leaving she notices that her pants are really loose, but she didn't have time to change or go buy different ones, so she had to deal with it. They arrive at the mall and they her and her mom go different ways, her mom was going to go look around before the show and Anna had to check in with her dance group and stretch. After a while of searching she finds someone that was also in the recital to direct her where to go. She finds her way back to a creepy hallway that led to a big room where everyone was. This room looked like a huge break room for the mall with a bunch of motivational posters all over the walls. Anna couldn't help but laughing because most of the posters had cats on them. She finds her group and starts to stretch and practice for the upcoming show. Anna was still having issues with her pants, but just had to deal. She wanted to use a hair tie to make them tighter but sadly no one had an extra one. 

An hour had passed and it was time for their first show, and it went great! Everything fell into place and no one fell into anyone or any audience members, that was success! It was only another 30 minutes until the next one so Anna headed up to the food court to grab an Orange Julius, strawberry banana was her favorite. She catches up with her mom as well, they both walk back down so her mom could see the next show. Anna chugs her drink and goes out for the next show. Everything was going well again. They were doing their ending stomps and poses. As Anna does her last pose she looks out and sees David and Ashley watching. At that moment Anna's pants finally give out and fall to the floor. Anna panics and grabs them and pulls them back up hoping that no one would notice. Everyone in the audience started laughing, Anna was hoping that it wasn't about her, but she knew that it was her that everyone was laughing about. She walks out to talk to David and Ashley and Ashley handed her a hair tie and said "Your pink panties are cute, but this is probably better." Anna face went from her pantie pink to bright red. That's when David said "Don't worry, it happens to all of us." Smiling awkwardly Anna says "Thanks..." and runs away as fast as she could. She didn't want to do the last show but she knew she had to power through. She did it, and everyone clapped and gave her a high five. Sure her new dance class name was "pantless manda", but at least she finished what she started. 

At school that Monday Anna was sitting in class when someone leans over to her and says "hey, I saw you dance at the mall this last weekend. What happened to you was awesome." Anna couldn't help but look at the girl and smile as she said "yeah it was pretty pink." 

To be continued... <3 <3 :D 

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Sneaking Out Of the House!

It was the night after the Valentines Day dance and Anna had been in contact with Ashley for a while. They were talking about everything that happened at the dance. Apparently she was the only one that noticed that Anna had left the dance. Ashley apologized for being so mean to her and ignoring her the whole time. In some way Anna really didn't need her apology, she was honestly fine with how everything turned out, but she still appreciated it. They also talked about how weird it was having both Lincoln and Wyatt at school. For Anna this was the most awkward since not very people knew or believed about the things that happened between her and Lincoln. The worst part was watching Wyatt and Jenny make- out at lunch non stop. All that goes through Anna's head at this time is "tongue really, well that's weird. I didn't know tongue's could move that way." 

As it got later in the night Ashley texts Anna, her text read "I'm at the park, you should come on down, I miss seeing you." At first when Anna read this she thought "No way! I could never do that!" But when it came down to it, the only thing that was holding her back was the fear of getting caught by her parents, but they wouldn't notice if she was gone. Anna wrote Ashley back, "OK, leaving now." Ann being her daredevil self walked out the front door when she left, no sneaking out of her basement window like Jenny constantly does. Going out the window is way to difficult. She of course locks the door behind her and starts walking, she decided that she should dress in all black to make herself less noticeable. That would have been best, but she forgot to change out of her bright red AC/DC pants that she bought with Brian, oops. She finally makes it to the park and Ashley is sitting on the swing. Ashley goes to the swing next to her and they just out for a while. No words, just enjoying each others company. They finally move to under a tree when they saw a cop coming. Ashley looks at Anna and says "You aren't lying about Lincoln are you?" Anna was stunned, she was convinced that everyone would always think that she was making up stories. Taking a few seconds to respond Anna finally says "I wish it wasn't true, but it is." Ashley starts pulling the grass in absolute frustration. Anna was confused, did she still not believe that she was telling the truth? But then Ashley looks up at her and says "I believe you, I'm so sorry." Anna's eyes filled up with tears, but she didn't want to cry so she held them back. She was the first person besides her mom to believe her, this was huge. Ashley, still pulling at the grass mumbles "I though he was acting weird lately." Anna says "well it's been going on for about 6 months, so has he been acting weird since you moved here?" Ashley says "yes..." Anna didn't have anything to say back. She didn't feel like she had to say anything, she had been put through hell and back. That;s when Ashley says "all of Jenny's rumors weren't true either were they." Anna couldn't help but laughing at the thought of them being true as she shakes her head no. 

The situation was still awkward but somehow Ashley and Jenny made it work. They ended up having a really good time. Anna looked at her phone and it was already 3 am! Anna said good bye to Ashley and headed home. She had never had so many nerves in her stomach. Walking home this late in this wildlife and some creeper infested neighborhood was not the greatest. Paranoid, Anna runs as fast as she could home. She got herself convinced that someone was following her, even though no one was. As her hand goes to open the door, she tried to be as quiet as she could. But of course her dogs are being the burglar police. Anna hears movement coming from upstairs and runs to the kitchen and acts like she is getting water in case someone came down. Her mom sneakily walks down and says "What are you doing up?" Anna looks at the empty cup of water in her hand and says "Getting water, duh." Her mom says "well be quieter, the dogs went crazy earlier." Anna stood there in the light of the fridge trying to hold back laughing. She finally was able to mumble out "well the dogs are always crazy." Her mom rolls her eyes and goes back to bed. Anna runs downstairs, shuts her door and leans up against it and takes a sigh of relief. She really didn't get caught, water for the win!? 

To be continued... <3 <3 <3
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Thursday, August 20, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Behind the Characters!

Anna: The girl that the story follows. She has a hard time dealing her friends and family. She often thinks bad about herself, only because that's what she thinks everyone else thinks about her. She wants everyone to like her, so she often does things she doesn't want to to seem cool. Most people don't know but she is an only child, so her dogs are like her siblings. Some characteristics about her are she has naturally wavy blond hair, blue/ green eyes and in High School she had a really bad acne problem. While in school she was the tallest girl in most of her classes standing at 5'9" in her later years of High School. She enjoys writing poetry, playing the guitar, drawing flowers and volunteering with animals.  

Jenny: One of Anna's best friends. They first met in elementary school where Jenny really hated Anna because of how much she stood up to her. Jenny often thought that Anna was annoying then. They became really close in the 7th grade because they both ended up going to the same very small middle school. Jenny has a very slender figure with dirty blonde hair, bangs and brown eyes. She is your typical girl next door type girl. She has a lot of boyfriends and all the boys always want to be with her. She has a younger sister and her parents got divorced a lot, so she is constantly craving attention. She likes to draw, mainly mythical creatures and she is very good at it.  

Ashley: The new girl in school that Anna befriends her first day. They became friends because they had so much in common. Ashley is very good at playing the guitar. It helped because her moms boyfriend played the guitar in a band so she learned from him. While in High School she really liked care bears. She is also a very good singer, because of this she was in a lot of the school choirs. She isn't afraid to tell anyone how it is and she always does what she wants. She has dark red hair, freckles and hazel eyes. She is a total metal head and is always going to concerts. She can be very secluded, which is why she had such issues with Anna and all of her friend drama.  

Lincoln: Lincoln is Ashley's younger brother. When he is first introduced in the story Anna thought that he was cute, but all that turned sour. He is popular with in his group of friends at his school. He plays football, and hopes to get a scholarship to college from football. All the girls think that he is cute. Even though he sexually assaulted Anna more than once, Anna still has a hard time saying no to him. He is a gamer and plays Call of Duty a lot. His most favorite types of movies are horror. He has dark brown hair and baby blue eyes and is decently tall. He has a hard time showing his feelings to anyone and is very awkward. 

Wyatt: Wyatt is one of Lincolns friends. He is introduced in the story of the sleepover. He likes to be the funny man of the group. He has strong opinions and is never afraid to say them. He has a older and younger brother. He is often referred to as a ladies man because he knows just what to say when it comes to girls. Anna has a crush on him for a while. He has blonde hair and blue eyes and is the shortest member of the group. Later in the story he ends up being Jenny's boyfriend for a while. He is a singer and his favorite genre of music is alternative/ punk and that is also how he dresses. The best way to describe how he dresses is a hot topic employee or if hot topic threw up on him. 

Brian: Brian is one of Anna closest friends and is 2 years older than her. He often understands her the best. In the Truth or Dare story he ends up being Anna's first kiss. Later in the story he starts up a band where he is the drummer and vocals. He also plays guitar and teaches Anna a lot of classic rock songs on the guitar. He also plays on the schools hockey team. Soon he will become a romantic interest of Anna's. Their relationship is one of the most complicated ones with in the story. He has brown hair and brown eyes and is a few inches shorter than Anna. One funny thing about him is that he has an obsession with ducks. 

Tina: Anna meets Tina in Biology class. They end up becoming friends because they both enjoy writing and they both hate school. Tina cuts herself in class a lot because of some issues with her home life. In the most recent story with her Anna finds out that she likes to steal and is constantly getting in trouble. It's because of this that Anna isn't sure if she wants to be friends with her anymore. She has long black hair, freckles and brown eyes.  She is also in choir. The best way to describe her is the misunderstood one, who is really rebellious. 

Donna: Donna and Anna became friends because they both have a mutual dislike of Jenny. She is the biggest metal head in the group. She has a older sister, and a lot of cats. As Anna grows into her own Donna becomes her best friend. One silly quirk about Donna is that she likes to sleep in jeans and a hoodie. She loves to draw and also plays the guitar, but never takes guitar with Anna. She doesn't like to be part of drama, and will always stand up for herself no matter what. She has straight dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes. 

Holly: Holly and Anna first met when Anna was in 3rd grade and Holly was in 2nd. When they were in elementary school they were inseparable. They both went to different middle schools, but ended up going to the same High School. When Holly first got to High School Anna was a sophomore and Holly stalked her a lot. Holly knew that it was her, her long lost friend but Anna wasn't sure what to think so she avoided her for a long time. In the middle of Anna's sophomore year Anna finally puts her guard down and they become really good friends again. Holly is another friend that Anna has outside of Jenny and Ashley. She has brown hair and brown eyes. She constantly puts her hair into a Mohawk after Anna did it for her once and she loved it so much. She loves to draw and likes to write as well. Holly always writes about sad things, It's a reflection of how she feels inside. She has an older brother and one cool mom. Anna and Holly will often spend the weekend at a bowling alley, not bowling but just hanging out. 

Alaina: Alaina is Holly's best friend. She is very passive aggressive and Anna is often afraid of her. She dresses like a total goth and is a complete metal head. She plays the guitar and is is obsessed with photography. In Anna's mind Alaina is the bad ass in the background. Even though she isn't Anna's best friend Anna still finds a confidant with her. Her hair color constantly changes and she has brown eyes.  

David: David is Anna's romantic interest. They first met in middle school, but they always hung out with different people, so they never saw each other to often. Jenny liked him in middle school as well, but not to much ever came from it. Anna has a variety of classes with him, but she first started talking to him in math where he tutored her. He is very smart and makes Anna want to try in school, something no one else has been able to do. He is in all the advanced choirs, enjoys doing archery, he writes and draws. He has short black hair and brown eyes. In the later parts of the story Anna makes up a nickname for him that is purple mongoose. He doesn't like much of the popular music, instead he listens to classical music a lot. 

~Amanda Catherine

I always feel like I am leaving a lot of weird facts out about the characters so I decided to go into detail about them!

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