Beautiful Insight: October 2015

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Smoking and Fights

"All my life all I ever wanted to be is normal", Anna writes in her journal as if writing it down will make it happen. After being noticed for all the wrong reasons for so long blending into the crowd didn't seem so bad. Tapping her pen her thoughts race, she didn't really know what to think of life anymore. She looks up forgetting that she was in class. David is looking at her. They still had a History class together so they talked quite frequently. Anna smiles at him but her attention is immediately drawn by an advisor coming in. Of course the advisor was looking for Anna and of course she had to decide to go to class today. Anna starts packing up her books and leaves the classroom and follows the advisor down to their office. Plopping into the chair Anna looks super annoyed, it felt like visits like this were never going to end. The advisor sits down and grabs a notebook with a bunch of things written in it. He looks at Anna and say "so, have you been thinking about your future at all. Many students in your grade already have an idea of career paths they want to pursue." Anna starts playing with her earrings because she is super nervous. She honestly hadn't thought about this at all. Surviving High School became her top priority. He looks at her and continues with saying "Do you have any interests at all? Anything you enjoy doing while you are not here?" Anna explains about how she likes to write and she likes playing with animals. But in the end it of course ended with you have to get your grades up to do anything. Anna leaves the room more mad than ever. She didn't understand why he had to call her in and point out the obvious, but not ways to help her get there.

Anna heads outside and sees Ashley smoking across the street since it wasn't considered school property. Anna goes up to her and asks her if she can have a smoke. She is so stressed and had no way of dealing with it at the time. Ashley looks at her and smiles... "of course you can have one she says." Anna takes one, gets a light and leaves. She had never smoked before so she couldn't stop coughing, but after the first few puffs she was fine. While she was smoking she couldn't stop thinking about how "cool" she felt. She felt like the kid living life on the dangerous side, breaking the rules and not caring about it. The only problem was that she did care, she didn't want to end up so screwed up that she couldn't fix herself. She had to find a way to make everything in her life ok again. She heads back into school with a note from the advisor to excuse her for being late to class. She goes inside and as soon as she gets to the 2nd floor a fight was going on between Jenny and one of their classmates named Petra. Apparently Petra had been putting the moves on Wyatt and then kept talking smack to Jenny about it. Anna didn't want to say anything but Petra was much larger than Jenny so it wasn't probably the best idea that Jenny started the fight with her. Instead Anna grabs Jenny by the arm as she was mid swing to punch Petra and pulls her next to her says "This isn't worth it, it doesn't matter what she says. If you trust Wyatt this shouldn't be a issue." Jenny shrugs Anna away and says " I don't care I am just sick of her!" All the teachers started running into the hall after they started to hear all the commotion in the halls and break up the fight. Jenny walks away with an earring missing and a clump of Petra's hair in her hand. She tosses it to the side and laughs. "Whatever" Anna whispers to herself and starts to walk away. As she turns around one of her long time childhood friends named Jax is standing behind her. Anna always tried to avoid him as he is very perverted and spends most of his time trying to kiss Anna. She looks at him and very hostile says "What do you want?" He look her up and down and says "just wondering what you were doing tonight." Trying to push past him he moves into her way. She looks up at him and says "nothing really, just trying to figure my life out as usual." He leans into her and whispers "You don't have to figure anything out, I'm the guy you've been looking for." "Seriously! You are such a sleaze ball" She says to him as she walks away in the other direction. He yells "Call me!" At first Anna didn't want anything to do with him but besides being a sleaze ball he was actually a good friend most of the time. She texted him later and said "Wanna hang out?" They met at the park and the whole time he was just trying to feel Anna up. She got so mad that she got up and left. That's when she looked at her phone only to find one very odd text from him.

To Be Contined... :)

©Amanda Catherine
Check Out My Other Stories!

Feeling Invisible: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_13.html

Inside My Head: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

My Thoughts On School Shootings: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Making New Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/09/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

My Thoughts On the Story So Far: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_84.html

Anna's High School Poems 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

Learning How to Drive: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_24.html

Falling Pants Recital: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_22.html

Sneaking Out of the House: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_44.html

Behind The Characters: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_26.html

Valentines Dance Disaster: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_18.html

Underage Public Drinking: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_17.html

A Brief Summary 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_16.html

A Romantic Interest: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_15.html

Getting Banned From Hobby Lobby: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_69.html

Failing In a Mosh Pit: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_47.html

Judgmental Family: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_10.html

Anna Gets Suspended: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_9.html

Anna's High School Poems: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

A Summary Of Current Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_19.html

An Unexpected Turn of Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_6.html

Reality Sets In: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_5.html

The Unthinkable Happens: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_4.html

Truth Or Dare: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

The Rumor Mill: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_2.html

Behind The Story: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Betrayal: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Chain Of Inappropriate Texts: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Awkward Dinner: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Sleepover: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_28.html

Friends Becoming Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

The Introduction: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Feeling Invisible

Everyone at one time or another has felt invisible, no one can deny that. But Anna's daily life had become feeling invisible constantly. No one ever quite got how she was feeling. Every time she spoke someone always felt the need to talk over her. It had started to get so bad that Anna decided to never have an opinion. It became easier than trying to have a voice. She would still talk to her friends and they would have good conversations but when other people became involved Anna often became quiet. It started to get really bad around Jenny and Ashley. Ashley could tell that something was wrong but Jenny kept getting mad at Anna. Later in the year Jenny and Anna ended up having classes together and while Anna was in class Jenny kept texting her "I know you can hear me! Why aren't you talking or texting me back!" Jenny sat across the room from Anna and she kept pointing to her phone but Anna had gotten into the habit of ignoring her. She sat next to some new friends that she made so she didn't entirely feel the need to text her back. Even though it may have not been the best thing to do at the time.

Later that week Brian had approached Anna and asked her what was wrong and she started to break down. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk it felt like no one ever wanted to hear her. She was starting to become depressed. Sadly Brian knew that this was something that Anna was going to have to over come by herself. He made her feel better before he left her but, he really was worried about her. Later that night Anna heard her phone buzz and when she looked at it she was reminded that there were some people out there that cared. It was Holly and Alaina and all that they both sent was "<3" She throws her phone back on her bed and of course it flies off the bed and hits the wall. As she is putting the battery back in her phone she finds something under her bed that she had forgotten about. It was a photo album of her and her friends before everything happened. They all looked so happy, like nothing bad would ever happen to them. Anna smiles and puts it back where she found it. It was hard to look at those times now. So much had changed.

It was midnight and Anna got the idea to write a massive text to all of her friends about what was going on. Most of them were probably up anyway. Her text pretty much said that she was sorry for being so sad and out of it lately and she explained a little as to why. No one knew this yet but her grandma was deathly ill so the small stuff like people talking over her were really starting to get to her. It wasn't that she was mad at them she was mad at the situation. As Anna curls up in her blanket and gets ready to put on a sad movie she gets a massive amount of texts back that say how sorry everyone is for acting the way that they did. Even Jenny sent one, sure it wasn't the nicest, but it was nice for her. Although Anna didn't feel that an apology was necessary from everyone it made her happy to know that people actually read her text. She still felt invisible but not like no one cared.

To be Continued...

©Amanda Catherine

<3
Check Out My Other Stories!

Inside My Head: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

My Thoughts On School Shootings: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Making New Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/09/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

My Thoughts On the Story So Far: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_84.html

Anna's High School Poems 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

Learning How to Drive: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_24.html

Falling Pants Recital: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_22.html

Sneaking Out of the House: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_44.html

Behind The Characters: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_26.html

Valentines Dance Disaster: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_18.html

Underage Public Drinking: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_17.html

A Brief Summary 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_16.html

A Romantic Interest: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_15.html

Getting Banned From Hobby Lobby: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_69.html

Failing In a Mosh Pit: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_47.html

Judgmental Family: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_10.html

Anna Gets Suspended: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_9.html

Anna's High School Poems: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

A Summary Of Current Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_19.html

An Unexpected Turn of Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_6.html

Reality Sets In: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_5.html

The Unthinkable Happens: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_4.html

Truth Or Dare: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

The Rumor Mill: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_2.html

Behind The Story: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Betrayal: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Chain Of Inappropriate Texts: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Awkward Dinner: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Sleepover: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_28.html

Friends Becoming Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

The Introduction: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: Inside My Head

Those who have been keeping up with my story probably know that I was never the most confident in High School... or ever really. There are many things that I know now about the situation I was in that I wish I would have known then. For some people they would wish to go back and fix their mistakes for me I wish that everyone involved got their lives figured out and are better people through learning from their mistakes. I'll admit, my naivetés never helped the situation or me in anyway, shape or form but I did eventually learn... A little late, but that doesn't matter as much now. I still have issues in everyday life from thinking that people are constantly out to get me and I spend way more time in the quietness of my home than is needed. I don't know if it is a fear of people or the fear that I am going to have to go through that again. Most of you may know that I don't have very many if any friends at all. Most of my friends are online and oddly enough that works for me. Back in High School I wish I would have known that it is better to have one good friend than a lot of as I call them "sour friends". I wanted friends just to have friends, not because they were necessarily good for me. My life in High School became making my "sour friends" happy and not myself. Those types of situations never end well. I can honestly say I lost who I was. Even to this day, I look at myself in pictures or in the mirror and all I see is a sad person trying to force a smile. I know I still have my issues, but I am better than I have been currently. I am still trying to find that quirky, sassy person that I used to be. It may take a while and I am ok with that... I think. All my life I have been told where to go or who to be and I am finally free to make my own decisions or even to see myself how I see fit. I feel like my family was or I guess is the worst at making me feel bad about my body. I can tell you without a doubt that I hate my body. It may be because I was always told that I was fat or ugly but I really do hate everything about it. Within my family I am the forgotten one and I will always be the forgotten one. I will never be better than any of them. I don't even waste my time visiting most of them because it's a constant put down. I know that it is how they see me and how they see themselves but it is hard to be around that. I am not as successful as most of them and will never be as successful as most of them. But as some people pointed out to me recently your work does not define you, the type of person you are does. Which is why I always try to be nice to everyone I meet. I don't know their struggles and they don't know mine but that doesn't mean for the brief second we have together I can't try and make their day a little bit brighter. So don't forget to give someone a compliment during your day! I know that I have messed up some peoples' lives and there are some people who have messed up mine but I never regret having them in my life for the most part.

I almost forgot to tell you guys, I saw Greg the inappropriate texting guy from my story, it was awkward. His mouth dropped when he saw me. I don't know if that is good or bad but it happened. From the way things were left between us we didn't say anything but we stared at each other for quite some time. He knows how mad I was about everything so I think he was afraid to approach me. The last time I saw him he was hanging out with all of the people that hurt me, which was pretty much all of my high school friends. I don't know why but at the time it really upset me. They are all still really good friends now even. I think I was so mad because they all bonded over everything that happened with me so I felt betrayed (again). Now I feel like that was meant to be. We couldn't be friends anymore nor did I want to be friends with them so I am glad that they have each other.

To be continued!!

©Amanda Catherine

<3
Check Out My Other Stories!

My Thoughts On School Shootings: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/10/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Making New Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/09/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

My Thoughts On the Story So Far: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_84.html

Anna's High School Poems 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

Learning How to Drive: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_24.html

Falling Pants Recital: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_22.html

Sneaking Out of the House: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_44.html

Behind The Characters: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_26.html

Valentines Dance Disaster: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_18.html

Underage Public Drinking: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_17.html

A Brief Summary 2: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_16.html

A Romantic Interest: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_15.html

Getting Banned From Hobby Lobby: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_69.html

Failing In a Mosh Pit: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_47.html

Judgmental Family: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_10.html

Anna Gets Suspended: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_9.html

Anna's High School Poems: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_8.html

A Summary Of Current Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_19.html

An Unexpected Turn of Events: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_6.html

Reality Sets In: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_5.html

The Unthinkable Happens: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_4.html

Truth Or Dare: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

The Rumor Mill: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/08/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_2.html

Behind The Story: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Betrayal: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true_31.html

The Chain Of Inappropriate Texts: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Awkward Dinner: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_29.html

The Sleepover: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_28.html

Friends Becoming Friends: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story_25.html

The Introduction: http://mandamoonflower.blogspot.com/2015/07/where-friendship-goes-wrong-true-story.html

Saturday, October 3, 2015

I Will Never (A Poem)

I will never be your friend

Because I am to afraid too
confront you.

I will never be your enemy

Because I am to scared to say no.

I will never let you down

Because we'll never have plans.

And when you think of me

You will wonder of not where I am,

Because I am always home.

But why I am to afraid to leave

And explore this world with you.

For that my answer is,

I will never be your friend

Because I am to scared to have any.

I will never be your enemy

Because I will never talk to you.

And I will never be around

Because I fear you will hurt me.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Where Friendship Goes Wrong: A True Story: My Thoughts on School Shootings

So most of you may know that I am from Colorado, but not a lot of you know that I live about 3 miles from Columbine High School. When the Columbine shootings happened I was in 5th grade and I did know people that went to Columbine at the time. I can honestly say that that one day changed my life forever. As I continued my Middle and High School education it became a game between rival schools to call in bomb or shooting threats. The first few really freaked me out, as they should have. But as more of them kept coming in I started shrugging them off. To me, it honestly became a pretty common thing. My mom would not allow me to go to Columbine even though it was a better school then the one that I went to because of what happened. But it wasn't just there, it was everywhere. Almost every 4/20 my whole school was evacuated because of bomb threats, and more times then not there were bombs in school. The first few times this happened it was real or dangerous bombs but as the years went along a lot of them became stink bombs.

A lot of my friends went to Columbine because of how nice of a school it was for academics so I frequented there a lot. It was weird being inside the school even though they did a total remodel where everything happened. Upon walking into the school you walk through metal detectors and then someone had to go through your stuff. I always felt like I was going through Airport security, but that is what life there had become for everyone.

As I am older now and have been out of school for a while I wonder if this is still going on between schools. I am figuring that it is. But now I am appalled by the fact that that became normal for me. How sad is it that today we live in a world where people are afraid to send their kids to school and how this has become some sort of normal for some people. It saddens me to think that people are bullied so much that it leads them to do this. Or that people are not getting the therapy they need because it is so hard to get these days. I have been trying to get therapy for the things that have happened to me within my story and I can never afford it or I never qualify because I am on Medicaid. A lot of people who are on Medicaid often are the ones that need the help so it saddens me to think that people that have it worst than me are not able to reach out and get the help that they need.

What shocked me more than anything was when the Aurora theatre shooting happened. I was older so I could wrap my head around more of what happened. It was also terrifying because I was invited by friends who had tickets to go there that night for the movie, but I had to get up early for work so I ended up not going. I have never been more lucky of anything than the moment I passed on going, who knows if I would even be writing this now. Once I decided not to go, my friends decided to not go as well. After that incident I was afraid to go to a movie for a while. I still sit close to an exit all the time for quick exiting abilities incase it happens again because I don't trust that it wont. As the Columbine shooting has proven once it happens once, it will continue elsewhere.

For the ones that have been involved in any shooting or violence anywhere I don't what to say besides I am so sorry you had to go though that.

With Love and Butterflies

AmandAnna

I don't really know why I wrote this, but I hope you gained something from it. <3 <3 <3

Check Out My Other Stories!